In a shocking twist that surprised precisely no one who’s been paying attention (which, let’s be honest, is probably just three goblins and a very confused pigeon), commodity trader Peter Brandt has declared that gold is in a long-term bear trend against Bitcoin. Because apparently, the age-old battle between shiny rocks and imaginary internet money needs more drama. 🍿
Just pulled up the chart. Looks like Gold is in long-term bear trend vs Bitcoin. How does it look to you?
– Peter Brandt (@PeterLBrandt) August 8, 2025
The weekly chart shared by Brandt-which may or may not have been scribbled on a napkin during a particularly rowdy tavern brawl-shows the XAU/BTC ratio sliding downhill faster than a penguin on a waterslide. And it’s been doing this for over a decade, because gold clearly didn’t get the memo that it’s supposed to be the “safe” asset. 🙄
Gold resumes its rally (because why not?)
Earlier today, gold-the metal that humanity collectively agreed was valuable because, well, it’s shiny-surged to a two-week peak of $3,407. This happened, presumably, because traders needed something to do while waiting for their coffee to cool. The yellow metal is attracting buyers like moths to a flame, mostly because the U.S. Federal Reserve might cut rates (or might not-honestly, who knows at this point?).
Adding fuel to this golden fire are “growing trade tensions,” because nothing says “economic stability” like two countries slapping tariffs on each other like an escalating game of Monopoly played by toddlers. Reuters reports this with the urgency of someone explaining why they were late to a meeting about being late.
Back on Apr. 22, gold hit a new all-time high of $3,500 shortly after the U.S. announced massive tariffs, proving once again that gold thrives on chaos like a cat thrives on knocking things off tables. But then, like a fickle teenager, gold lost interest after the U.S. and China decided to play nice again (“tariff detente” sounds fancier than “they stopped bickering for five minutes”). Now, it’s back on the rise because consistency is for people who don’t own shiny rocks. ✨
Will Bitcoin catch up? (Spoiler: Maybe, but who cares?)
Gold is currently up 29% since January, outpacing Bitcoin’s measly 24% gain-which, let’s be honest, is basically just Bitcoin warming up in the locker room. Despite a truckload of “bullish catalysts” (whatever those are), Bitcoin seems to be taking its sweet time, like a sloth with a hangover.
Mike McGlone, who recently decided that bearish is the new black, pointed out that the Bloomberg Galaxy Crypto Index barely outperformed the S&P 500 this year, which is like bragging that your spaceship went faster than a bicycle. Truly, the pinnacle of financial achievement. 🚀
As previously reported by U.Today-your trusted source for news that may or may not have been whispered to them by a guy in a trench coat-Fidelity’s Jurrien Timmer predicted Bitcoin would overtake gold in the second half of the year. Because predicting the future is easy when you ignore all the times you were wrong. 🔮
Bitcoin did briefly flex its muscles in July, hitting an all-time high of $122,838 and briefly making gold look like yesterday’s news-until gold remembered it’s been valuable for literally thousands of years and Bitcoin, well, hasn’t. So, who wins? Probably whoever shouts loudest on Twitter. 🏆
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2025-08-08 10:05