Hayes’ ETH Flip-Flop: 🤦‍♂️ Never Profit Again!

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One is occasionally reminded that the financial world, and particularly its more… novel corners, is primarily populated by those who are habitually, and quite spectacularly, wrong. The latest exhibit in this ongoing menagerie of miscalculation is, of course, Mr. Arthur Hayes of BitMEX. A man who, one presumed, had seen enough of the market’s capricious nature to cultivate a little humility. One was, naturally, mistaken.

Last week, the fellow in question, possessed of a prescience that appears to run approximately 180 degrees out of phase with reality, offloaded a rather substantial chunk of his holdings – a cool eight million dollars worth of Ether, plus a scattering of those frankly rather vulgar PEPE and ENA tokens. He blamed the Federal Reserve, a convenient scapegoat, and the increasingly alarming foreign policy pronouncements of Mr. Trump (a matter of general alarm, naturally, but hardly a new development). One gathered he wished to observe events from a safe distance, a commendable sentiment if only it had been informed by any genuine insight.

Predictably, the market, with its persistent habit of behaving in the manner least expected, deigned to ignore Mr. Hayes’s gloomy predictions. It has, in fact, done precisely the opposite. Ether, that most ethereal of currencies, has not merely avoided the predicted plunge to three thousand dollars; it has positively ascended, breaching the $4,000 mark and, for a fleeting moment, flirting with $4,200. A gain of 20% in a week! The sheer audacity of it. 🚀

Mr. Hayes, mortified by his lapse in judgment (and, one suspects, the vanishing opportunity for a comfortable yacht upgrade), has thus been forced to repurchase his holdings. He announced this humiliation on that digital bulletin board known as X, begging absolution from Mr. Tom Lee, a well-known enthusiast for all things Ether. And, in a gesture of almost breathtaking naiveté, he swore a solemn oath – a ‘pinky swear’, no less – never to take a profit again. A promise, one suspects, that will be broken before the final decimal place settles. 🍷

Had to buy it all back, do you forgive me @fundstrat ?

I pinky swear, I’ll never take profit again.

– Arthur Hayes (@CryptoHayes) August 9, 2025

One can only conclude that the cryptocurrency market is, above all, an excellent source of amusement for those with a detached and cynical outlook. 🎭

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2025-08-09 10:38