I Sold $8.3M of ETH Then Panic-Repurchased It All-Here’s My Glorious Facepalm 🤡💸

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Ah, le précis of the operetta:

  • Monsieur Arthur Hayes-ringmaster of the marvelous BitMEX circus-dumped 2,373 ether last week, pocketing $8,320,000 worth of creamy stables while muttering dirges about “doom.”
  • Saturday evening, same impresario somersaulted back, flinging $10.5 million fresh-USDC confetti at the shimmering ETH moon, now perched at $4,200-a ballet of regret and champagne.
  • Thus our fickle Houdini seesaws from gloom to glee in forty-eight cosmic heartbeats, proving that prophets of panic are but tightrope-walkers whose tightrope is rubber.

Behold: the very image of a man who, having hurled his grandmother’s jewels into a dark lake on Tuesday, goes snorkeling on Thursday to retrieve them-only to discover the lake has become a hot-tub. Such is crypto.

Hayes, who last week lamented tariffs and frail job numbers the way a moth laments porch-lights, now clutches $4,200-per-ETH petals to his bosom, announcing, “Had to buy it all back.” Translation: “I miscalculated my own melodrama.” The audience applauds-and some even throw tomatoes denominated in PEPE and ENA.


PEPEPEPE$0.0₄1234◢9.26% 🤸‍♂️

ENAENA$0.7356◢18.72% 🪄

All hail the perpetual pendulum! Tomorrow Hayes may short ETH to $3, then buy the inevitable dip to $6,000, claiming he always liked round numbers. We, humble voyeurs, continue to sip our absinthe and count his pirouettes on the blockchain-a choreography of caprice forever embossed in digital marble.

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2025-08-09 19:13