Well, it’s official: Jack Dorsey just invented texting for people allergic to WiFi. Over the weekend, the former Twitter boss, beard aficionado, and probable owner of more Bitcoins than friends, rolled out the *beta* of Bitchat—a new BLE-mesh messaging protocol. Basically, it’s as if your Nokia from 1999 learned kung fu and started a resistance band against oppressive internet signals.
Jack took to X (because we don’t call it Twitter anymore, and “X” just feels way edgier—like eyeliner for apps) to say that Bitchat is secure, decentralized, and works where the internet is about as reliable as dial-up in a thunderstorm. He described it as having “IRC vibes,” so congratulations to every IT guy still clinging to their mIRC scripts—you’re trendy now! 🎉
and here’s an ugly whitepaper describing protocol:
— jack (@jack) July 6, 2025
The official white paper (which, if you’re allergic to PDFs, comes with a trigger warning for aesthetic crimes) details how Bitchat lets your phone play telephone with other nearby devices—each one helping messages hop along across the mesh, like a relay race, except the baton is encrypted memes.
How Bitchat Works (No, It Won’t Help You Text Your Ex)
We’re talking top-shelf privacy here: end-to-end encryption, store-and-forward messaging (for when you’re in a tunnel), and room-based chats that use hashtags, so every chatroom is that much closer to being a Coachella afterparty. Optional password protection, because “trust” is just another four-letter word.
Your device acts as client *and* server, making you feel like you finally matter in a relationship. By passing messages through anyone nearby, it covers more ground than your favorite gossip. 💬 The network needs no internet, no SIM, no cloud—basically, it’s a millennial’s worst nightmare.
Messages live in your device’s memory, unless you specifically ask them to go further—so, much like your embarrassing high school poetry, they disappear unless you deliberately share them. Also, bigger messages get broken into 500-byte chunks, because Bluetooth hasn’t been hitting the gym. Jack even teased future WiFi support, which is the tech version of “maybe I’ll call you.”
It’s being positioned as a tool for hard-core scenarios: protests, disaster zones, and, you know, any tech conference with $68 lattes and bad WiFi. So if you ever find yourself at Burning Man with zero bars, congrats, you’re now the Mesh King 👑.
The no-infrastructure design means Bitchat keeps working in a blackout, a dictatorship, or your Aunt Mary’s house where the internet died in 2007.
Bitcoin Sliding In with Square. 💸
Dorsey’s Block Inc. (because every billionaire needs at least one company that sounds like a Lego product) just confirmed: Bitcoin
$108,846
24h volatility: 0.9%
Market cap: $2.16T
Vol. 24h: $19.44B
payments are coming to Square’s point-of-sale platform, meaning you’ll soon be able to buy your artisanal vegan scone with crypto—finally, a dream for someone’s mom.
This was all teased at Bitcoin 2025 in Las Vegas, which makes sense, because if there’s anywhere the internet should be decentralized, it’s a place where you lose connection (and dignity) after three hours. Merchants will get instant settlements via the Lightning Network, and, because choices are great, they can either keep the BTC or convert to fiat in real time. The feature drops late 2025, with full roll-out by 2026—assuming regulators don’t show up with torches and pitchforks.
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2025-07-07 17:43