And lo, on a Wednesday evening, as the sun set upon the weary shoulders of Wall Street, came tidings from Nvidia-a chipmaker whose fortunes are now more closely watched than the weather in Moscow. Their quarterly earnings, like a well-timed punchline, quelled the murmurs of an AI-induced apocalypse 💸.
Record revenue? A staggering $57 billion, up 62% from yesteryear, scoffing at analysts’ timid $54.7 billion forecast. Profit? A ludicrous $31.9 billion, 65% higher than last season. Investors, those eternal optimists, clung to hope like a drunkard to a lamppost, as Nvidia’s fourth-quarter guidance of $65 billion whispered, “The party’s not over-yet.” 🚀
But ah! The tech sector, a nervous maiden at a masquerade, had trembled in recent weeks. Whispers of an AI bubble! Crypto’s collapse! The market’s collective heartbeat quickened. Yet Nvidia, the unlikeliest of heroes, strode forth to reassure the crowd: “Fear not, dear speculators-artificial intelligence still sells.” 🤖
Crypto and tech stocks rise on Nvidia earnings
Nvidia’s shares, ever the drama queen, leapt 5% after-hours to $196, as if mocking the very concept of gravity. Its closing bell cheer of 2.85% left traders breathless, clutching their calculators in gratitude.
Crypto firms, those perennial underdogs, basked in Nvidia’s glow. Coinbase, Strategy, and Circle Internet Group-stocks that had earlier slumped like a deflated soufflé-perked up. Even Bullish, which had plummeted 3.7% despite “beating expectations” (a phrase as meaningful as a screen door on a submarine), rallied by 1%. 🎪
Big Tech, too, joined the conga line: Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, and Meta. One suspects even Blockbuster would’ve rallied had it survived. 📉
Bitcoin lifts from below $89,000
Bitcoin, ever the melodramatic diva, took a dive to $88,540-a lowly $89K, its first such indignity since April. But lo! Nvidia’s earnings arrived like a deus ex machina, lifting BTC to $91,500. Down 0.6%? Merely a plot twist. Ether, too, staged a comeback from $2,873 to $3,000. Critics called it “resilience”; cynics called it “denial.” 🌪️
In conclusion, the markets danced-briefly-while the AI bubble, that ever-popular doomsday narrative, was postponed. Until next quarter, dear readers. Cue the violin solo. 🎻
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2025-11-20 04:37