House Halts Crypto Bills: Trump Declares Digital Asset Showdown! 😂💰

On the fifteenth day of July, the illustrious U.S. House of Representatives cast aside a chance at progress, halting the noble pursuit of three grand crypto measures: the GENIUS Act, the CLARITY Act, and the Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act. This fine initiative was dubbed “Crypto Week,” a week promising to bring clarity, guidance, and perhaps a sparkly crown for our beloved digital tokens! 👑✨

Vanguard’s Bitcoin Bet: When Passive Investing Gets a Little Too Active 😂

According to Bloomberg, Vanguard didn’t exactly plan this. They’re just following their index-fund rules. When Strategy’s stock started climbing, it naturally grew larger in the indexes Vanguard tracks. So, Vanguard had no choice but to buy more shares. It’s like when you’re on a diet, but the buffet keeps bringing you more cake. 🍰

Trump’s GENIUS Plan: The Crypto Comedy Show You Can’t Miss! 🎭💰

Once heralded with the pomp of a summer’s day, the Senate saw the GENIUS Act sail through in June, yet its voyage in the House remains steeped in uncertainty. Speaker Mike Johnson, like a cautious sailor eyeing the horizon, hinted at another attempt, perhaps to be revealed later in the week. Will the winds of fortune change? Only time will tell—unless the universe conspired to throw a banana peel in the way! 🍌⏳

Why This Gaming Studio Wants to Make Money Out of Thin Air—Literally! 🎮💰

According to a press release that might as well have been delivered via carrier pigeon, the company is meticulously weighing the technical, legal, and financial hurdles akin to someone assembling IKEA furniture without the instructions. They’ve enlisted George Cao, the crypto sage from AscendEX, to guide them through this digital wilderness. They’ve also brought in a legal team—because, you know, no one wants to end up in crypto jail. 🏛️

Breaking: Bitcoin Billionaire Adam Back Close to $3.5B Deal with Wall Street’s Lutnick!

Mr. Back, CEO of Blockstream and a man who’s probably spent more time with Bitcoin than most people spend with their morning coffee, is about to do a deal worth, brace yourselves, over $3 billion (if you’ve got a fainting couch nearby, now might be the time to use it). The acquisition? 30,000 glorious BTC—currently worth nearly $3.5 billion at today’s delightful Bitcoin prices, which, let’s be honest, feel like a rollercoaster ride without seatbelts.

Will the Bitcoin Bounce Back or Break Hearts?

After that scandalous affair with the all-time high, Bitcoin has entered a corrective phase, a rather common occurrence after such a passionate tryst. But worry not, my dear cryptocurrency, for this pullback appears to be quite healthy and has brought you into a critical support zone, a region where the value area low, VWAP, and 0.618 Fibonacci retracement have all converged to form a potential launchpad for a renewed move towards the highs.

Citigroup’s CEO Dances Around the Idea of a Citi Stablecoin 🕺💰

Citi CEO Jane Fraser, with a smile as wide as the Mississippi, said the bank views digital assets as the next step in the broader digitization of finance, much like the fintech revolution of yesteryear. She emphasized that Citi’s strategy is all about meeting client demand for seamless, cross-border, multi-bank, always-on solutions, complete with built-in compliance, reporting, and accounting features. 🌍💻