At press time, XRP languishes at $2.13, down 1.1% in the past 24 hours, a mere shadow of its former self, having shed 14% in the last week and 12% over the past month. Its July 18 all-time high of $3.65 remains a distant memory, a summer fling now faded into autumnal regret. 🍂💔
This breakout marks a turning point for the Layer-2 protocol, driven by increased staking demand and renewed interest in Zcash’s privacy innovations. However, pending token unlocks may test whether accumulation momentum withstands potential sell pressure. 🕵️♂️
Right. So, Bitwise, those lovely people who apparently manage cryptocurrency index funds (a concept that still feels fundamentally improbable), have declared that XRP – yes, that XRP – will be allowed to wobble around on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) tomorrow. Thursday, to be precise. Which, if you think about it, is quite a thing. Like letting a particularly enthusiastic ferret manage a small country.
Hey, guess who stumbled into the Ethereum party with a legal notebook and a Delaware LLC? That’s right, BlackRock. Think of it as a staked Ethereum ETF but with way more capital than your college fund. 💸
With the solemnity of a priest registering a baptism, BlackRock’s managing director, Daniel Schweiger-whose LinkedIn bio surely reads “Professional Delaware Filings Enthusiast”-officiated the paperwork. The trust, naturally, was registered under the Securities Act of 1933, a law older than most of the crypto bros who’ll trade this thing. 📅
Apparently, Trustwave’s SpiderLabs people (who sound like a Marvel supervillain team, honestly) discovered this thing called “Eternidade Stealer.” Very dramatic name. It’s spreading through the usual methods: fake government programs, delivery notifications for things you absolutely did NOT order, and those investment groups your friend keeps trying to get you to join. You know the ones. “Get rich quick!” 🙄
At the 2025 Investor Day, a gathering of suits and spreadsheets, Block, under the enigmatic gaze of Jack Dorsey, announced a strategic shift so dramatic it would make a Shakespearean plot twist blush. Beyond the humdrum of point-of-sale operations, the company now fancies itself a maestro of consumer services, artificial intelligence, and Bitcoin infrastructure. How quaint. 🧙♂️💻
Record revenue? A staggering $57 billion, up 62% from yesteryear, scoffing at analysts’ timid $54.7 billion forecast. Profit? A ludicrous $31.9 billion, 65% higher than last season. Investors, those eternal optimists, clung to hope like a drunkard to a lamppost, as Nvidia’s fourth-quarter guidance of $65 billion whispered, “The party’s not over-yet.” 🚀
Browser maker Opera’s MiniPay, a stablecoin wallet built on the Celo blockchain, has rolled out a new feature allowing users to spend stablecoins directly at shops and services in Argentina and Brazil through a feature dubbed “Pay like a local.” 🤯
