They’re calling it “SoFi Crypto” – very imaginative, guys. Very. You can now buy, sell, and hold (as if any of us are actually holding for the long term…it’s more like holding onto a sinking ship, amirite? 📉) things like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana. Because apparently, regular banking wasn’t risky enough.
While pontificating about everything and nothing at The Bridge conference in New York City (don’t ask about the bridge’s toll prices), Hougan shared that a spike in crypto markets at the end of 2025 would have fit neatly into the four-year cycle theory. Basically, this means we’d be setting up for a potential bear market in 2026, echoing the not-so-glorious years of 2022 and 2018. Familiar territory, right?
Folks been waitin’ on this one. Years, they have. Now, the Nasdaq’s lookin’ to list this here XRP exchange-traded fund, the Canary XRP ETF (ticker: XRPC), come November the 13th. Seems like everyone wants a piece of the digital pie now, alongside Bitcoin, Ethereum, and that Solana thing. Makes a fella wonder what all the fuss is about. 🤷♂️
The board voted on this earth-shattering decision last month, with 78.4% in favor. Which, coincidentally, is the exact percentage of people who think Delaware is just a boring rest stop between New York and Washington.
XRP is hovering around 2.39, desperately eyeing its 2.35 support like it’s the last donut at a meeting. CoinMarketCap, our ever-reliable psychic, tells us this is a make-or-break moment.
Lo, details of this betrayal-or was it fate?-remain shrouded in mystery! Did the stars align against them? Did the lawyers quibble over the price of a cup of coffee? We may never know. 🤷♂️
Current market patterns suggest this “late-year cheer” is merely the calm before a Q4 correction so dramatic it could make a Greek chorus weep. 🎭💸
Well, it’s basically a party-pooper for crypto’s wild promise of “censorship resistance.” Foundations now have a magic “bank-like” button to control your funds. How very centralized.
So, Franklin Templeton-you know, the $1.5 trillion asset manager that’s always late to the party-finally decided to expand its blockchain-based Benji Technology Platform to the Canton Network. 🎉 Big deal. Now they can offer their tokenized funds to more institutional investors. Yawn. 😴
BTC, that incorrigible flirt, merely dipped 10%-a languid yawn compared to DATs’ operatic plunge into the abyss (40%-90%, with room service). 🎢
