Behold, Lighter-the latest prodigy in the crypto pantheon-has ascended to unicorn status, its valuation soaring to $1.5 billion following a $68 million fundraise. Led by the formidable Founders Fund and Ribbit Capital, this venture has sparked whispers of both awe and skepticism, as if the very air crackles with the electricity of ambition. 🦄💸
Ethereum’s mid-2025 euphoria crashed like a nose at a masquerade ball, plunging the token into the $3,000 abyss. Summer’s gains? Vanished like a ghost in a Russian forest. Investors, take note: crypto bull runs are as straight as a Gogol plot-twisted and unpredictable. 🌀👻
Canary Funds’ XRP Trust could become the first pure spot exchange-traded fund (ETF) to list in the United States, following the firm’s filing of Form 8-A with the Securities and Exchange Commission on Tuesday. A document so mundane, it might as well be a sonnet. 📜
Sonic Labs is now focused on “sustainable growth,” which is marketing code for “we’re trying to avoid another crypto winter.” They’re ditching the hype (hopefully) and aiming for…fundamentals. Who knew? 🤔
On November 11, Curve Finance unveiled its Q3 report-a document so thrilling, it could put a cat to sleep. Yet here we are: $7.3 million in three-month revenue, up from Q2’s $3.9 million. A 89.7% increase! One might call it “modest,” but let’s not spoil the party. 🎉
In a move that surprised no one who’s ever heard of either Coinbase or the word ‘cryptocurrency,’, the exchange has rolled out a regulated savings account in Britain. Yep, the same folks with Nasdaq’s logo now claim they’re dabbling in the traditional banking pond-because nothing screams ‘tech forward’ like a bank account with your favorite blockchain superheroes. Announced on Nov. 11, it’s a mash-up of good old FSCS protections and instant access-like the Bank of England but with a dash more pizzazz.
According to the latest tittle-tattle from the financial set, heavyweight institutions such as Rothschild Investment and PNC Financial Services have been caught with their hands in the Solana cookie jar. They’ve disclosed holdings in Solana-based ETFs, marking a nine-week spree of inflows that’s now tipped the scales at over $2.1 billion. Blimey, that’s enough to make even Aunt Agatha raise an eyebrow! 😲
While Bitcoin lags behind stocks and gold like a tired donkey in a horse race, it still dares to flirt with 20% below its “all-time high.” Yet here we are, staring at a chart that looks like a drunk giraffe trying to dance the Macarena. 🦒💃
FTX’s bankruptcy wasn’t just a minor hiccup – it was the atomic bomb that detonated the fragile ecosystem of crypto. And, oh boy, did it send regulators scrambling like rats in a sinking ship. The world was suddenly awake to the need for transparency. And why not? Who wouldn’t want to know exactly where their crypto was, especially when it wasn’t in their own pocket?
The Yanks, ever the jokers in the deck, dismissed these allegations with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, insisting the Bitcoin was lawfully pilfered in a separate fraud case. This farcical exchange has reignited global anxieties over digital asset sovereignty, as if borders still matter in the age of quantum cryptocurrency.
