EURJPY

Apparently, this is just the latest in a series of political memecoins that have left retail investors feeling like they’ve been catfished by the entire internet. Classic.

The cbBTC, a relic of immense value, now boasts a circulation of $5 billion, a sum that would make even the most avaricious of tsars weep with envy. Monad’s DeFi ventures, ever hungry for sustenance, now find themselves nourished by this newfound liquidity, a blessing as rare as a well-timed tax break.

In his latest Substack (because who doesn’t love a good read over coffee?), Burnett suggests that Bitcoin will transform from a speculative gamble into the go-to choice for hoarding cash in an economy where everything else is going down, down, down like a sad elevator. By 2036, he anticipates Bitcoin’s network value will hit around $230 trillion, which is more money than I can even count in my wildest dreams. He thinks we’re looking at a global asset base ballooning from a measly $1 quadrillion to a staggering $1.97 quadrillion. Talk about inflation; I can feel my pocket change evaporating already!

MARA, the biggest public Bitcoin miner by BTC held, broadened its treasury playbook. After filing its 10-K with the SEC, the company announced it may sell the Bitcoin it has already gathered. Before this, it could only sell the newly mined gems and keep the rest as a stubborn reserve.

This grotesque ballet of financial desperation mirrors a broader trend in the Bitcoin mining industry, where the once-revered digital gold now gathers dust in the corners of forgotten wallets. Yet, it also invites a grim contemplation: what is the purpose of hoarding Bitcoin treasuries when the market itself seems to weep with despair?

The program began in April 2025, starting with Latin American countries like Argentina, Colombia, Mexico, Peru, and Chile. This region was a good place to test the program because stablecoins – digital currencies pegged to the US dollar – are already popular there. In countries where the local currency is unstable, people are genuinely looking for ways to save and spend US dollars without using traditional banks or financial systems.

So, while the world is busy debating the ongoing squabble between the U.S. and Iran, the U.S. government thought, “Why not stir things up in the world of crypto too?” And what better way to do it than with a small Bitcoin transfer. It’s like buying a lottery ticket when you’re already a billionaire, but hey, every little bit helps, right?

A cryptocurrency called SANAE TOKEN on the Solana blockchain has gained a lot of attention this week. Its value quickly rose to $27.72 million before dropping significantly.

With weekly traded value plummeting 67% from its February zenith and volatility soaring to 106%, the liquidity of MicroStrategy stock has thinned like a poorly brewed tea. This anemic flow threatens to amplify the technical whispers, and $124 looms as the precipice where the farce turns tragic.

Gone are the days of treating Bitcoin like a sacred, untouchable relic. Now, it’s just another tool in their financial Swiss Army knife, ready to be “monetized opportunistically”-corporate speak for “sold when the price looks good.” Because, let’s face it, even the most die-hard Bitcoin maximalist would trade a few satoshis for a piece of the AI pie. Am I right, or am I right?