Robinhood’s crypto nominal volumes have been on a downward spiral since November 2024 (yes, we’re talking about *last year*), briefly perking up in July before crashing harder than your New Year’s resolutions in August. But hey, at least they bought Bitstamp for $200 million, right? That’s what you call “buying competition.” 🤦♂️
Bitcoin, that old grump, stumbles upward like a tipsy bear, clinging to its “position of potential reversal” as if it were a life raft. The analyst, with a grin wider than a babushka’s babushka, claims that if the CPI data “comes in weak today,” the markets will “rip” like a poorly sewn coat in a storm. One must wonder: Is this a prophecy or a plea for chaos? Only the fates know.
Gather ‘round, dear reader, for the hallowed halls of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation-the stalwart guardians of your pantries filled with dollar bills-have recently thrown caution to the wind! At the September 2025 Financial Stability Oversight Council meeting, Acting Chairman Travis Hill opened the floodgates to a delightful array of digital assets and a titillating new decree against the dreaded debanking. How ridiculous! Who knew bankers could be so avant-garde?
After such a wild ride, one might expect some profit-taking-a pause where traders scratch their heads and ask, “Is this the summit or just a pit stop?” But there’s always that “smart” money cohort, quietly accumulating like squirrels stockpiling nuts for winter. Perhaps this dip is nothing more than a sneaky little rest before MYX charges ahead again. Or perhaps not. 😏
According to Reuters (you know, the people who actually know stuff), Gemini and its bankers were so overwhelmed by investor enthusiasm they stopped taking orders early. Like, “sorry, we’re full” levels of demand. This move, which is apparently “unusual” for an IPO, capped proceeds at $425 million. Unusual? Sure. Effective? Absolutely.
Meanwhile, the Crypto Tigers-a name that evokes both ferocity and folly-roar about a breakout from a two-year downtrend wedge. 🦅📉 They speak of accumulation phases and shifts in momentum, as if the market were a great beast awakening from its slumber. Yet, is this not the same market that has devoured the hopes of many a trader? Their optimism is as boundless as it is questionable, predicting a swift upward move, a rally as explosive as a firework on a summer night. 🎆
Here’s the deal: both trackers agree on the rule-if 75% of the top 50 coins outperform bitcoin over the past 90 days, it’s officially “altcoin season.” As of 4 p.m. Eastern on Sept. 11, 2025, blockchaincenter.net’s ASI shamelessly flashed “it’s altcoin season” with a confidently smug 76 out of 100. Someone’s feeling pretty sure of themselves.
In these past seven turns of the sun’s wheel, portents of a bullish fête have emerged. Among them, the grand whales of the market have stirred from their deep slumber. Coupled with a most curious momentum pas de deux and a breakout audacious enough to ruffle wig and cravat, these omens whisper that sweet HBAR might soon set forth upon a 40% ascent, as if scaled by noble steeds!
In a post that’s more dramatic than a soap opera cliffhanger, founder Guy Young (aka Crypto Guy) spilled the tea on X. He acknowledged the community’s criticism and tipped his hat to Native Markets for snagging validator support. 🎩 “Ethena is not a Hyperliquid native team,” he said, “we’ve got other fish to fry, and our ambitions are bigger than just one partner exchange.” 🍳🐟 He also admitted the concerns were valid, which is more than we can say for some crypto projects. 🙄
Meme coin ETF begins, source: X
