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Key Takeaways:

At their “Obsidian Night” event (which sounds fancier than it probably was), Bitget announced they’re doubling down on AI-native trading. Their goal? Turn Agent Hub and GetClaw into the ultimate “co-pilot” for retail traders. Because who needs a human co-pilot when you can have a bot that never asks for a coffee break?

It was during the illustrious London Fintech Week that the Treasury unveiled its most ambitious scheme yet, determined to corral digital money into the nation’s payments perimeter. According to the latest dispatches, ministers are resolved to treat fiat-backed stablecoins and tokenized bank deposits with the same regard as established payment services, rather than relegating them to the fringes of the crypto wilderness. A bold move, indeed, though one wonders if they shall succeed where others have merely dabbled.

The 0G Foundation, in a proclamation of grandiosity, hath declared itself “the first Artificial Intelligence Layer (AIL) and decentralized AI operating system (dAIOS),” as if such titles were not but mere puffery! They claim this union shall “drive next-generation AI and Web3 infrastructure across the Asia-Pacific region,” though whether it shall succeed or falter remains to be seen.

One cannot help but marvel at the irony: a system designed to escape the clutches of centralization now finds itself entangled in its own procedural webs. The council, in its wisdom, has passed the torch to the ARB token holders, those enigmatic figures who hold the power to shape destinies with a mere vote. Is this not the very essence of democracy, where the burden of decision is shared, and the blame, should it come, is diffused like a mist over a field? Yet, one wonders: in this grand experiment of decentralized governance, who truly wields the sword, and who merely polishes its hilt?

Apparently, the plan is in response to the looming specter of quantum computing, which could render current blockchain cryptography as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Thanks, science.

//www.bydfi.com

As reported on April 21 by the paragon of journalistic integrity, Reuters, these merry pranksters have been sending messages to unsuspecting shipping companies, claiming to represent the benevolent Iranian security services. The correspondence goes something like this: “Submit your documents and pay a fee in Bitcoin (BTC) or Tether (USDT), and behold, the gates of the strait shall swing wide open at a time of our choosing!”

It was on a Tuesday, a day like any other, when the SEC took to Facebook-yes, the modern town square-to declare that dYdX, Aevo, gTrade, Pacifica, Orderly, Deriv, and Ostium were offering tantalizing investments in exchange for “promised returns, profits, or interest.” Ah, the sweet siren song of easy money! But alas, none of these digital dream merchants bothered to register with the Commission or secure the necessary licenses, opting instead to play their high-stakes game in the shadows.

According to a report from Eleanor Terrett at Crypto In America on Monday, the Senate Banking Committee needs to officially schedule a review of the CLARITY Act by Friday if they want to vote on it the week of April 27th. However, meeting this deadline could be difficult.