The Financial Times, ever the bard of modern capitalism, reported that these firms were gently (but firmly) advised by Beijing’s regulatory heavy hitters-the People’s Bank of China and the Cyberspace Administration-to avoid playing “musical chairs with the money supply.” Apparently, letting private coins jingle in the digital yuan’s pocket was about as welcome as a rogue firework at a gunpowder factory.
Well, only if miracles exist and altcoins suddenly develop backbone. A volume surge above average levels might spark hope-like a chandelier flickering in a haunted ballroom. But with altcoin sentiment lying flatter than a crushed martini olive, optimism requires either courage or poor eyesight. 🫒👀
Let’s break it down for you. Open Interest is holding steady at $19 billion (nothing too fancy), and the Funding Rates are positive – which, believe it or not, means there’s a hint of cautious optimism floating around. Who knew that could ever happen in crypto?
Let’s not get too comfortable though. You see, according to CoinWarz, the BTC mining difficulty fell by about 2.7%, but a storm’s brewing on the horizon. The next difficulty adjustment is forecasted for October 29, 2025, at 08:14:49 AM UTC (because, of course, we all needed that precision). By then, the difficulty will rocket back up to 156.92 trillion, which means a whole new level of pain and misery for miners. A real rollercoaster, this Bitcoin mining business!
Cardano (ADA), that ever-optimistic dreamer, has inflated its value by 4% since yesterday-only to remind us that last week it stumbled like a drunkard, losing 1.1%. 🥴
The juicy details were revealed after a YouTube video went viral. Oh yes, it was all over the internet faster than you can say “blockchain.” The victim, ever the secretive soul, didn’t share their wallet address-who needs transparency, right?-but the blockchain, being its ever-loving self, didn’t forget. The address in question was r3cf5mgj5qEcj9n4Th28Es7NVRnXGJjkzc. Classic mistake, if you ask me.
Dogecoin had just closed its second consecutive losing week at $0.18, shedding 35% from its local top of $0.27 recorded on October 6. Meanwhile, Dogecoin was out here crying in the corner, down 35% from its little high of $0.27. Real talk: that’s not a peak, that’s just “I bought this last week.” 😢💸
Enter the bears-those lovable pessimists. Dr. Profit, the analyst with the most terrifying name since Dr. Doom, is waving his 10-year fractal around like a flag of doom. According to him, there’s absolutely no reason to be optimistic. “This market is basically a dumpster fire,” he posted on X, and if you look closely at his charts, he’s predicting a bottom that won’t show up until October 2026. How comforting!
While Kusama’s silence echoes through the digital void, his cryptic location-“on the cutting edge”-has sparked a frenzy. One might wonder if he’s referring to the latest fashion trend or a new way to make tokens dance. 🕺 “Cutting edge” indeed! A phrase so vague, it could mean anything from a new meme to a blockchain apocalypse. 🌪️
Binance, the world’s largest cryptocurrency exchange, has launched a full-scale crusade against “unauthorized third-party tools,” which are basically just… trading. 🚀 The platform’s new rules are so strict, even your grandma’s spreadsheet would get banned. 🧓💸
