Arthur Hayes’ family office seeks $250m for crypto buyout fund: Bloomberg

Enter Maelstrom, Arthur Hayes’ high-stakes, daredevil family office. This is the place where they don’t just talk about big numbers; they go after them. They’re raising a modest (read: ambitious) $250 million for their debut fund. The plan, as Bloomberg so kindly informed us on October 17, 2025, is to buy out crypto infrastructure and services companies that are either distressed or underappreciated. Basically, they want to snap up companies at a discount before the rest of the world realizes how valuable they are. Talk about having an eye for gold!

Bitcoin Plummets Like Stalin’s Empire! 😈 Putin & Trump Dance, Crypto Says Basta! 🔮

Bitcoin, that golden calf of the digital age, perched smugly above $120,000 like a tsar on his throne, only to be smacked by whispers of tariffs from Uncle Trump’s lips, accusing the Chinese dragons of weavings lies thicker than Gogol’s tall tales. Bam! Down it dove under $117,000, unleashing a carnival of leveraged nightmares-positions bursting like overripe melons, a $19 billion massacre leaving BTC wallowing at $101,000 on some exchanges. Altcoins? Oh, poor souls, pummeled to pulp, losses so steep they could make a stone weep, nearly 99% in the most absurd of spectacles! 😂

XRP Plummets: A Tale of Crypto Tears 🚨💸

After briefly testing levels above $2.60, a fleeting moment of triumph, XRP has now retreated toward an important support zone, a fragile bastion against the tide of despair. One might say it’s playing the role of a reluctant hero, clinging to hope as the world turns against it. 🦸‍♂️📉

Ripple Shakes Up Payments: Buys GTreasury for $1B, Ready to Conquer Corporate World!

In a move that can only be described as a *masterstroke* of the digital age, Ripple has decisively snatched up the global treasury management giant GTreasury for a cool $1 billion. And what’s the catch? There isn’t one! The main mission? To create a smooth, seamless integration of Ripple’s digital assets with GTreasury’s tried-and-true corporate payment infrastructure. And let’s be honest, it’s about time someone did something about the old-school, inefficient methods clogging up global payments. 😉

Crypto Mayhem: Bitcoin Spins Out, Altcoins Flop – What a Ride! 🎢💸

XRP, once flirting at over $2.40, now finds itself clinging at $2.28, nervously eyeing the $2 mark like someone eyeing the last slice of pizza. Meanwhile, BNB hovers near $1,070, Solana at $181, and Cardano sitting pretty at $0.62. Dogecoin, that meme coin with dreams, has tumbled to $0.18 – maybe it’s trying to audition for a new role as a penny. And TRON just kind of hangs out around $0.30, like that friend who doesn’t want to leave the party. 🎉