EURJPY

After hitting a local low of $111k, Bitcoin [BTC] bounced back to $117,421 before retracing to a low of $115,411. Like a rollercoaster ride, but without the fun. 🎢

The upshot is, CryptoWzrd is frightfully excited because LINK and LINKBTC did a “bullish daily close.” A bit like me closing the fridge door after deciding against the third glass of wine. A small victory, but one feels terribly proud nonetheless. He says it means “momentum could be building.” Which is what Daniel Cleaver said about that dreadful techno nightclub in Hoxton.

On-chain data reveals Wynn’s gamble, using $5,568 in margin to stake a 29.3 ETH position, worth $139,215, with an average entry at $4,239. The trade now glimmers with unrealized gains of $14,888, a 267% return. 🎰

The revered document, the Statement on Longer-Run Goals and Monetary Policy Strategy, has been reimagined, reaffirming the Fed’s unwavering commitment to “maximum employment” and “stable” prices, with a steadfast 2% inflation target, as measured by the personal consumption expenditures price index. Alas, the once noble pledge to allow inflation to “average” 2% over time, a policy that permitted the occasional indulgence above 2%, has met its end. Farewell, makeup policy; you were a bold experiment, but perhaps too whimsical for our current economic climate.

While the global fintech funding landscape resembles a wasteland, Canada stands as an oasis of stubborn optimism. Blockchain and AI-driven tools are the darlings of this era, though one wonders if they are saviors or merely distractions from the looming abyss. Edith Hitt, a partner at KPMG Canada, proclaims, “Digital assets have re-emerged as a magnet for investor interest,” as if this were a revelation rather than a desperate grasp at straws. 🧲

In just 16 years, Bitcoin went from “What is this internet funny money?” to holding its own against a $112.9 trillion basket of fiat currencies and $25.1 trillion in hard money. Excluded, of course, are silver, platinum, and those exotic metals no one really cares about (looking at you, palladium). 🤷‍♂️

XRP’s recent surge came as no surprise-at least not to those who were paying attention. After weeks of lounging sideways like a lazy Sunday afternoon, it finally decided to stretch its legs and test multi-month resistance near $3.10. 🛋️➡️🏃‍♂️

Ah, the ever-optimistic analyst Steph Is Crypto-he’s as convinced as a fortune teller with a crystal ball. He’s highlighted XRP’s recent chart pattern, and guess what? It’s showing all the signs of a “blow-off top,” whatever that means in crypto jargon. Apparently, XRP has gone through an initial accumulation phase, then a re-accumulation zone, and now, it’s approaching that ever-elusive “blow-off top” region (sounds like the name of an exclusive club, doesn’t it?). According to Steph, this could lead to an “explosive price surge.” Someone call the fireworks, because we might be in for a show! 🎆

Ah, the listing, born today amid the desperate hopes of traders, becomes their new playground-an arena to speculate on WLFI’s sinister dance before the official spot trading, that grand theater in September. The game has begun. A capped Funding Rate of 0.005% per interval is the cruel appetizer-perhaps to lull the fools into believing it’s safe-but beware, for once the curtain rises, rates may surge to ±2%, turning patience into panic and calm into chaos.

According to the analytics platform, the losses have not shaken investor confidence in the flagship crypto asset, as they remain in line with average declines seen during past reversals. 🤡 (Because nothing says “trust” like losing a week’s worth of cryptocurrency profits and still insisting it’s “just a blip.”)