As of the latest gossip, Solana (SOL) is strutting its stuff at $181, with a daily trading volume that would make even the most seasoned trader blush-$4.55 billion, to be precise. Alas, it has taken a slight tumble of 1% in the last 24 hours and is down a rather dramatic 8% over the past week. Yet, our ever-hopeful analyst, Ali Martinez, chirps,
Economists, who are often more confident than a cat near a sinking boat, mostly agree that a rate cut might be in the pipeline. Why? Because the Fed has a miraculous ability to support growth-or at least pretend it’s doing something-while trying not to trigger a financial apocalypse. All eyes will be glued on the September 16-17 meeting, where the Fed will unveil its master plan, or possibly just nod and say “We’ll see.”
Powell mused, “Downside risks to employment are rising,” while entire battalions of economists nodded and scribbled, pretending to know what he really meant. “If things go sideways, layoffs could spring up faster than weeds in July.”
Powell money line: “policy adjustment may be warranted, with rates still restrictive” setting up for a Sept cut
This clever rogue, known by the moniker ZachXBT-like some sort of digital Sherlock-spied out the scheme over a thing they call X, which folks around here call Twitter. The con fellas dressed up like a crypto exchange and a hardware wallet, sounding as trustworthy as a fox in the henhouse. Seems these scallywags are getting bolder, spreading their mischief across the globe like a bad case of the measles.
After weeks of doubting whether the Fed would ever do anything, investors finally looked up from their bread and circled September on the calendar.
As he delivered what may be his swan song from this hallowed venue, Powell hinted at the possibility of rate cuts by year’s end. Yet, in a masterclass of ambiguity, he offered no specifics-because who needs clarity in these turbulent times? After all, uncertainty is the spice of life, is it not?
Now, if you’re wondering how this miraculous transformation came about, let us rewind to 2019, when Allianz was busy wagging its finger at crypto like a disapproving schoolmaster. Back then, it cited volatility and regulatory uncertainty as reasons to avoid the stuff entirely. But lo and behold, here we are in 2025, and they’ve done a complete about-face. One might say they’ve gone from Scrooge McDuck to Bitcoin Booster™️ faster than you can say “blockchain.”
In what can only be described as either genius or hubris, Charles Hoskinson-the crypto maestro himself-has unveiled his magnum opus: an ambitious vision for a fully automated global compliance system. Yes, you heard me right. Imagine regulatory frameworks so smooth they feel like butter on warm toast. The kind that doesn’t require hours spent deciphering legalese while drinking coffee strong enough to dissolve steel.
The sorcery, or ‘Series B funding round’ as the moderns call it, was led by a cabal of international financiers from QED Investors. They were joined by a chorus of new and existing backers-the IFC, HSG, a certain QuantumLight (a name suggesting its owners move faster than relativity allows), and others. All drawn, no doubt, by the siren song of three and a half million souls entrusting their crumbling liras to this digital chariot.
