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According to a Financial Times report from Sept. 15, this is all in the name of preventing bank deposit outflows. Apparently, the idea of people moving their money from traditional banks to these cryptic digital coins is keeping the Bank of England up at night. Because, you know, if everyone switched to stablecoins, banks would lose their beloved deposits, which means… less lending. A truly catastrophic scenario for anyone who’s ever taken a loan out on their beloved (and probably overpriced) flat.

In this grand farce, the masses turn their gaze to Bitcoin, that elusive siren of the digital realm, as though it were the only lifeboat in a sea of bureaucratic folly. 🌊💰 “To crypto or not to crypto?” they muse, while the Bank of Thailand doth protest too much, methinks. 🧐

And what happened to the poor altcoins, you ask? Well, they all thought it was a splendid idea to join the downward dance, cringing in pain like kids after biting into sour candy! ETH, XRP, and poor little DOGE-oh, don’t get me started on DOGE-plummeted like a rock tossed off a cliff, making a monumental daily drop that left everyone saying, “Oh no, not again!” 😱

The London Stock Exchange Group (LSEG) just dropped a bombshell: They’ve facilitated the very first blockchain transaction for private funds. So, what’s next? Flying cars? 🚗💨

Meanwhile, as the geopolitical storm between Lebanon and Israel takes a siesta, the so-called “safe havens” like Bitcoin and gold find themselves on the receiving end of a sell-off that would make even Jeeves raise an eyebrow. Mix in a dash of Uncle Trump’s tariff tantrums, and voilà – global markets pressure-cooked to perfection.

And of course, where there’s DOGE, there’s its swole cousin, Maxi Doge ($MAXI), ready to crash the party with its protein shake and 1000x leverage dreams. 💪💸

On Sunday, Shibarium fell victim to a flash loan attack on its validator system, which drained about $2.4 million in ether (ETH) and SHIB. The CoinDesk Memecoin Index has dropped 6.6% in the past 24 hours. The broader market CoinDesk 20 Index is down just 2.3%. A tragedy in crypto, or a farce in finance? 🎭

Thanks to a swelling tide of trading volume, SHIB managed a breakout, having languished in the claustrophobic confines of a tightening wedge pattern-an allegory for many a stifled artist. Yet, as all good things, the rally was but momentary. Overwhelmed by a tide of eager sellers and market malaise, our valiant pup could not sustain its lofty perch above the formidable $0.000015.

Oh, the thrill of competition! Both Pi Network and Interlink Labs promise to make crypto so accessible that your grandma could probably mine Bitcoin between knitting sessions. Pi Network aims to craft a global, peer-to-peer digital currency, driven by a community that’s as loyal as a pet dog. On the other hand, Interlink Labs, with its somewhat futuristic flair, tackles human-first, using AI and biometrics to verify identities. In other words, they’re building something that might just save us from the existential menace of deepfakes and bots, but also, possibly, your untrustworthy cousin Larry.

On the fateful day of September 15, Kate Cooper, the CEO of OKX Australia, proclaimed this endeavor with the gravitas of a general announcing a campaign. The platform, she declared, would arm trustees and service providers with “tools to buy, manage, and report on digital assets.” A noble goal, no doubt, in a world where trustees are oft left to cobble solutions together like peasants mending a broken cart. 🛠️🤦‍♂️