Coinbase’s legal eagle, Paul Grewal, took to X (formerly Twitter, formerly sanity) on Sept. 11 to announce that the company was doubling down on its legal battle against the SEC. Why? Because the SEC’s own watchdog confirmed that they’ve been treating important texts like last year’s New Year’s resolutions-completely forgotten by February.
Picture this: our beloved DOGE, having kissed the earth twice at a most sacred support level-this double bottom so revered by wizards of charts-has suddenly decided to show its teeth and dash forward, like a Cossack spurred to battle by too much vodka. BitGuru, that sage oracle of the X-scrolls, proclaims this breakout with the kind of zeal reserved for newly discovered samovars. This daring leap, triumphantly vaulting over $0.26, banishes resistance like a bothersome babushka from the hallway, making way for fresh mischief and maybe wealth, if the spirits be kind.
In a play that had even the most seasoned Wall Street soothsayers rubbing their eyes in disbelief, Forward Industries-bravely, or perhaps foolishly-sailed through an astronomical $1.65 billion private investment in a public equity (PIPE) deal. This bold maneuver would load its corporate treasury with the cryptocurrency known as Solana (SOL), leaving its heritage financial trappings in plain dust.
XRP recently tried to gatecrash a critical resistance party, but the declining trendline played the grumpy bouncer, turning away multiple hopefuls since late July. At a cool $3.06, XRP stands at a crossroads-or more accurately, a brusque stalemate. If it manages to bust through this barrier like a caffeinated squirrel, it might just set off on an ambitious leap toward $5. 🚀 Or it might just sit awkwardly, scratching its head in confusion. Either way, popcorn’s ready.
Another day, another record. On September 12, 2025, Bitcoin’s global hashrate reached an absurdly high 1,057 EH/s by 6 a.m. Eastern. By 10 a.m., things cooled down (sort of) to 1,046.39 EH/s, but block times were still racing ahead like your grandma on an electric scooter-averaging 9 minutes and 25 seconds. Who needs 10 minutes, right?
Yet, just as one might expect a whirlwind of howls and frenzied trades, the derivatives market for Shiba has fallen into a rare and deafening hush-like Woland’s own cats taking a coffee break. This eerie silence, presented with all the solemnity of a midnight séance by the data sages of Coinglass, reveals a spectacle so peculiar it might have made even Azazello raise an eyebrow.
The on-chain numbers told a story too: some altcoins, those small-timers with market caps under $200 million, were seeing their exchange reserves shrink like a farmer’s patience in a dry year. That, my friends, is the old signal for folks quietly piling in.
Not to be outdone, the coin has recently bounced from the $0.75 support zone, a humble peasant’s cottage in the grand castle of crypto. Here, Fibonacci retracements and volume confluence have conspired to spark a short squeeze so fierce, it could make a bear weep into his honeyed mead. Analysts, clutching their crystal balls, predict a price surge toward $1.40, and perhaps even $1.80, as if the coin were a rocket fueled by greed and caffeine. 🚀
The company took to the podium to announce that they had repurchased these shares at the laughably low price of $8.32 each-well beneath the treasury’s asset value of $12.18. Classic move. Just weeks before, they revealed a hefty $713 million reserve of Toncoin (TON) tokens, flaunting their confidence in the TON ecosystem. That’s right, this is not just about stocks; it’s about faith. Who needs actual results when you have faith, right?
One cannot overstate the charm of the cup-and-handle pattern-it’s the financial equivalent of Jeeves polishing Bertie’s cufflinks before the big date. Cardano sits delicately between $0.88 and $0.89, catching its breath after a spirited climb, like a chap about to sprint to the buffet table.
