According to the wizards at CryptoSlam, market participation is booming like a microwave popcorn bag-NFT buyers up 18.06% to 541,831, and sellers up 17.05% to 385,179. Transactions? Up 11.96% to 1,814,788. Someone’s been hitting the “buy” button like it’s a piñata. 🎉📈
According to the oracles at CryptoRank, September has been kind to Stellar, bestowing upon it an average growth rate of 3.08%. In the annus mirabilis of 2024, it closed the month with a triumphant 6.24% ascent. Might we dare to hope that this year, too, shall follow suit? If so, the current bearish dirge may yet give way to a symphony of bullish euphoria. 🎻🎶
If you’re wondering what Hyperliquid is, picture this: it’s like Binance but without the corporate nonsense. It’s fully decentralized, lives on-chain, and specializes in perpetual futures trading. Think of it as the rebellious teenager of exchanges, flipping off centralized systems while still making money hand over fist. 🤘
On-chain analysts-who are just like wizards except with less pointy hats and more spreadsheets-witnessed a whale wallet suddenly waking up, flexing its financial muscles, and splashing around enough Bitcoin to cause nervous sweating among traders. Should you panic? Well, panicking is trendy in crypto.
Come September, this American Bitcoin-an offspring of the merger between the elusive Gryphon Digital Mining and the formidable Hut 8-will take its first tentative steps onto the grand stage of Nasdaq, trading under the symbol ABTC. Because nothing says “trustworthy investment” like a corporate family reunion dressed up as a crypto revolution, right? 😏
Per CoinGlass’s ledger of folly, long-position traders wept $194,570 into the void as XRP’s upward pirouette dissolved into a plié of despair. Bulls, over-leveraged and delusional, were summarily ejected when the coin tumbled to $2.77, a price so pitiful it could make a vulture weep. Yet! This long squeeze, this financial slapstick, may yet gift us a reprieve-a chance for XRP to regain its composure.
From whence cometh this bounty? Why, from the very lifeblood of the platform-fees extracted from the eager souls launching memecoins, those digital chimeras of the modern age. Daily, the buybacks march on, a relentless procession ranging from $1.3 million to $2.3 million, as if the platform itself were a voracious beast, ever hungry for its own progeny. 🦖💰
In his recent post on X, Saylor presented an AI-generated video that showcases “Station B,” a space station where B represents Bitcoin. An AI version of him can be seen acting as the guide to show how the Bitcoin network offers low-cost, seamless financial transactions, new products, and financial empowerment in the space station. But only if you have a degree in astrophysics and a wallet full of BTC. 🤖💼
Thursday morning – a bright and cheerful day, until Cook decided to file a lawsuit against President Trump after he casually announced he was going to fire her. Why? Oh, just the teeny little thing about mortgage fraud. Yeah, you heard it, folks. The scandal that erupted from Cook’s little real estate adventure in 2021. She bought a home and a condo – what a rebel! 🙄
As the chaps at Pi continue to tinker and toil, aiming for the big leagues of exchange listings and ecosystem wizardry, one can’t help but wonder: What’s the dashed bigger picture for 2025? Will it be champagne and caviar, or just another round of cold tea and soggy biscuits? 🧐☕
