EURJPY

The bank’s cross-asset sages (yes, they have sages now) note that Bitcoin’s volatility has plummeted to historic lows-down from a frenetic 60% earlier this year to a mere 30%. And so, according to their alchemical calculations, Bitcoin ought to rise by roughly 13%, or about $126,000 per coin, to align itself with the private investment pool of gold. In other words, BTC is allegedly undervalued by some $16,000. One wonders if Bitcoin feels insulted or flattered by such attention.

He argues XRP’s control remains akin to a puppet show-only the puppeteers are hidden behind the curtain. Founding tales have gone up in smoke like a bad magic trick, and the network is undermined by partial payment exploits that could even make a bank robber yawn. The infrastructure? Think of it as a Rube Goldberg device made of blockchain – charming but fundamentally unreliable. No wonder skeptics are waving banners of infamy at what some see as a scam wrapped in an enigma, sprinkled with a dash of ‘they might be sneaky.’

August 27th, they all got together-like a really boring high school reunion, but with more lawyers. The Blockchain Association, Multicoin Capital Management, Blockchain Capital, and Sullivan & Cromwell LLP were all there. The Blockchain Association had previously said, “Hey, guys, these old rules don’t work for us.” It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, but with more blockchain jargon.

The paperwork dropped Wednesday, revealing that Bitcoin Infrastructure will be trading on Nasdaq under the catchy ticker BIXIU – which sounds less like a stock and more like the noise you make sneezing in a cryptocurrency conference. This Cayman Islands-based money machine plans to offer 20 million units priced at $10 each. Each unit hands you one share and half a warrant. Because who doesn’t love fractions? You can wield that half-warrant when the price hits $11.50, assuming you’re cool waiting around.

It all started when those clever clogs at the US Department of Commerce decided to share their top-secret economic data – GDP, PCE, all that jazz – through Chainlink

LINK
$23.91

24h volatility:
1.2%

Market cap:
$16.21 B

Vol. 24h:
$2.78 B

and, wouldn’t you know it, Pyth Network too! They’ll be flinging this data all over nine blockchains – Bitcoin, Ethereum, even that TRON one! 😮

This little escapade signals that blockchain isn’t just for tinkering techies and internet weirdos anymore; it’s practically moving into the neighborhood with a giant banner saying, “Welcome to the future!” Let’s not forget that with this blockchain bonanza, the crypto crowd is also seeing a surge in demand for Layer 2 solutions. Because who wouldn’t want to travel on a blockchain expressway? 🚗💨

As you might imagine, the news of this disruption ricocheted across social media, with users shouting from the digital rooftops about whether this pesky downtime was merely a technical glitch or some shady market shenanigans. Spoiler alert: the speculation was rampant! 🎭

And what of this union? Picture it: an all-stock spectacle, with the company retaining its sparkling moniker, American Bitcoin. Founders Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr., in their infinite wisdom, along with Hut 8, will command a whopping 98% of what may or may not become the next Silicon Valley-and maybe even the internet’s favorite new meme. Asher Genoot, the czar of Hut 8’s CEO, whispers sweet nothings to Reuters, promising a swift marriage, with trading to commence in early September-fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be one rollercoaster of a crypto-love story.

The officials, those stoic guardians of the blockchain, “confirmed” the suspension, as if merely acknowledging the obvious. And, bless their diligently typing fingers, they’ve since “restored” the service. A rather bland verb, “restored”, don’t you think? It lacks a certain… je ne sais quoi. A touch of frantic urgency, perhaps? But, alas, and here’s the sting in the tail, futures trading remains stubbornly, exquisitely unavailable.

“All futures trading is temporarily unavailable,” Binance announced on X, with the air of a doctor delivering bad news. Their team, we are assured, is working to resolve the matter. One can only hope they’re not using a Ouija board. 👻