However, the business intelligence giant, never one to be outdone by a mere pause, made up for it with some staggering financial news: it raked in more than $14 billion in unrealized gains in the second quarter of 2025. A sum so large, it could buy a small country—or at least a very large yacht. 🛥️
Meanwhile, XRP is like the kid who got left behind on the school bus, only up 0.59% to $2.28. XLM and XRP have always been like the dynamic duo of cross-border payments, but it looks like XLM is the one with the actual cape today. 🦸‍♂️
According to the latest announcement, Binance is expanding its Monitoring Tag to include more tokens. The unlucky trio this time? BakeryToken (BAKE), IDEX (IDEX), and Self Chain (SLF). These tokens are about to get a lot of attention, and not in the good way. 🕵️‍♀️
Jack took to X (because we don’t call it Twitter anymore, and “X” just feels way edgier—like eyeliner for apps) to say that Bitchat is secure, decentralized, and works where the internet is about as reliable as dial-up in a thunderstorm. He described it as having “IRC vibes,” so congratulations to every IT guy still clinging to their mIRC scripts—you’re trendy now! 🎉
Nate Geraci, president of The ETF Store and a prominent commentator on the crypto market, posted a clear warning: if a company exists solely to hold Bitcoin rather than build a real business incorporating Bitcoin into its strategy, that is a red flag.
And yet, despite the perils, companies continue to flock to the banner of Bitcoin, like lemmings to the sea 🌟. The esteemed global investment firm, VanEck, has sounded a warning to these intrepid souls, cautioning them against the dangers of unhedged assets and undiversified portfolios 📝.
According to Crypto Banter, a crypto platform on X (which, yes, is still just Twitter in a wig), Ethereum is now officially the cool kid on the blockchain. Tokenized assets under management (AUM) hit $5 billion. That’s billion with a “B,” and probably a couple of nervous compliance officers in the background.
It appears that the whales, those behemoths of the crypto world, have been unloading their cargo, transitioning from accumulation mode to a noticeable distribution phase 🚨. This divergence is concerning, as it suggests that major players are either protecting their positions or selling, which frequently erodes the trust of smaller investors. The market, much like a ship in a storm, is uncertain and volatile.
Is “Ripple” just a rock ballad? Pah! Fugger, that most mysterious creature, claimed the name drifted in from a Grateful Dead ditty. Very poetic. However, our friend Farina cackles and waves an old parchment—well, a corporate registry—and reveals Ripple Communications, a company skulking about as early as 1991, before Bitcoin was but a twinkle in the eye of an eccentric academic.
For those who’ve earned the right to call themselves Alpha—yes, that’s you, the sleepless trader, hunched and twitching in front of a dozen glowing screens—Binance presents: the airdrop. Redeem your Alpha Points. Get your hands (or wallets) on those shiny RCADE tokens as they flutter down, as unpredictable as Moscow snow in May.