EURJPY

Polymarket, where nothing is sacred and everything is a gamble, has decided to let its users bet on the deeply personal lives of the rich and powerful. The latest target? The potential divorce between Andy Byron, CEO of Astronomer, and his alleged future ex-wife, Kristin Cabot, the company’s Chief People Officer. The speculation hit fever pitch when the two were caught on the kiss cam at a Coldplay concert, and the internet—bless it—took it from there, of course.

Indeed, Bitcoin [BTC], in a most gallant fashion, hath reached an all-time high after many moons of steady ascent. But lo and behold! The signs of sluggishness rear their humble heads, indicating a likely pause or a playful jolt backward before the grand next act!

Over the past four weeks, Ethereum [ETH] has been on a bullish streak, gaining 35%. The uptrend continued over the past 24 hours, with the asset posting a double-digit gain of just above 10%. 📈

As the fog of confusion slowly lifts—thanks to some legal wizardry—we’re seeing LINK preparing to be the charming liaison between our cozy, traditional finance and the adventurous, chaotic realm of blockchain.

Like a force of nature, Ethereum surges forward, leaving all who dare oppose it in its wake. A 22% rally, a number that defies comprehension, has catapulted this behemoth to dizzying heights, with the price now hovering above $3,600 like a specter of unrelenting optimism. The siren’s call of $4,000 beckons, an irresistible force that draws all who dare to dream of untold riches.

According to Chainalysis, a company that apparently makes a living by analyzing the goings-on in the crypto world, digital assets theft this year had been “more devastating” than the entirety of 2024, with over $2.7 billion worth of funds stolen from crypto services so far. I whistled softly to myself as I read the numbers – it seemed that the crypto thieves were having a banner year.

But, alas, dear borrower, be warned: the firm’s benevolence only stretches so far. You’ll need to cough up repayments in cash or crypto, with no early exit penalties to speak of 🚫. And, to mitigate the capricious whims of bitcoin’s volatility, the loan is capped at a 60% loan-to-value (LVR) ratio 📊. Should the price of bitcoin plummet, fear not, dear borrower, for you’ll receive a 30-day notice to adjust the LVR by fiat repayment, additional collateral, or a Bitcoin top-up 💸. And, in the worst-case scenario, only a partial sale of your beloved BTC will occur, leaving your home safe and sound 🏠.

In a spirited tête-à-tête on the illustrious CNBC Television, our dear investor waxed poetic about this gilded future as artificial intelligence prances about, wearing its fanciest attire. Is it not amusing? Just when we thought we had grasped the usage of AI, it decides to explode with flourish, much like a poorly made firework on New Year’s.

The United States has seen a chaotic ‘Crypto Week’, but the House passed the GENIUS and CLARITY Acts on Thursday, giving markets a boost. Meanwhile, Bitcoin cooled from its Monday all-time high while Ethereum finally lifted off after a year in the doldrums.

Since the 14th of July, ETH has rallied by 16%, trading just above $3.5k at the time of writing. The move was driven by strong spot ETF inflows and increased on-chain activity. It’s as if the digital world has decided to throw a grand party, and Ethereum is the guest of honor, dancing to the beat of its own drum.