EURJPY

So, Bullish has officially launched its initial public offering. They’re looking to sell 20,300,000 shares. You know, just a little something to keep the lights on and maybe buy a yacht or two. 🚤

The latest U.S. numbers are about as inspiring as a Monday morning—jobs growth weaker than a soda shop during off-hours, and unemployment creeping up to 4.2%. Wages? A mere 0.3% bump, which is like giving a goldfish a tiny applause. All of this whispers softly that the Fed might hit pause, or even try to turn back the interest rate dial, as if some magic trick can fix the world’s complicated economic stew. 🍲

In this delightful mess, a few altcoins are strutting around with a high risk of triggering liquidations for those poor derivatives traders in early August. So, which ones are we talking about? Buckle up! 🎢

And in case you think this is just another fad, think again. Dogecoin’s making waves—up 70% since early 2024—and it’s got the whales and retail traders all jittery. Everyone wants a piece of the pie, even institutions are pretending they understand it (looking at you, Grayscale). The volume’s still over a billion daily, so it’s primed for another pop—just don’t expect it to stay pretty for long, because chaos is the name of the game. @StonkChris’s take? It’s about to explode, like that time you overdid it at the gym and regretted everything.

For Back, the matter is as simple as a village fool’s arithmetic: spend your fiat first, if you have it. If not, borrow. And if you must touch your BTC, replace it—or a smidgen more—and carry on. No drama, no fanfare, just the mechanical precision of a clockmaker. 🕰️

Ethereum, our beloved digital darling, is basking in the limelight today—up by a resounding 3.89%. Such a rise! One might think the blockchain gods are smiling upon us. Or perhaps just hungry for attention. 😏

This mega payday lands right as Tesla’s core electric vehicle business is…let’s say, napping. The world’s most meme-able CEO now has his eyes set on robotaxis and humanoid robots—the kind of project management that screams, “I grew bored halfway through making rocket ships on Saturdays.”

So, is Pi going open source next month?

Old Kyren, a crypto analyst on X, called July “a big one for $ONDO,” what with the launch of Ondo Catalyst (backed by Pantera Capital, no less), the acquisitions of Strangelove and Oasis Pro, and a nod in a White House report. He’s convinced August will be an “EXPLOSION,” though one can’t help but wonder if he’s been dipping into the sherry. 🍷

Now, slap on your government-issue sunglasses, because the White House has parachuted into the chat with a shiny new crypto policy report. Even better, $RLUSD’s market cap is now so plump it could probably afford avocados on toast without flinching. (Millennials rejoice.)