Coinbase Institutional, the research wing of Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN), released a report titled “2026 Crypto Market Outlook” last week, detailing how global forces will “reshape” the crypto world. Because nothing says “stability” like a 2026 timeline and a PowerPoint deck.
Now, in this whole crypto circus, there’s a report from Alphractal-sounds fancy, right?-that shows BTC traders are eyeing ETH like it’s the new kid on the block. What’s next? Are they gonna start wearing matching hoodies? 🤔
Ripple dropped XRPL 3.0.0 like it’s the new iPhone. Five amendments are now under review, addressing issues like “price-oracle sorting” (because who doesn’t want to sort prices?), token-escrow accounting errors (classic blockchain drama), and AMM rounding problems (because math is hard, even for computers). Investors are watching closely-probably while sipping coffee and wondering why they didn’t just buy Bitcoin. ☕
Spot trades? Derivatives? ETFs? All getting their own tax drama, darling. Carry those losses forward for three years like a soap opera plot twist 🎭. But don’t get too comfy-staking, lending, and NFTs? Still stuck in “miscellaneous income” hell. Translation: the government’s still confused by your crypto “hobby” and will tax it like your weird roommate’s pyramid scheme. 🚨
The on-chain vote closed with 125,342,017 UNI in favor, and 742 against. Uniswap founder Hayden Adams posted on X, clearing the 40 million UNI quorum by more than 3x. 🎄 “After a ~2day vote timelock, 100m UNI will be burned, fee switches will be flipped…” – Hayden Adams, who probably still hasn’t figured out how to use a microwave. 😅
First, the alarm bells rang on Dec. 25, courtesy of on-chain detective ZachXBT. He posted a Telegram warning that funds were vanishing faster than cookies at a Weight Watchers meeting. 🕵️♂️💸 He couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause, but he did notice a suspicious coincidence: Trust Wallet had pushed a new update the day before. Classic. 🚩
Yet, while critics pontificated about centralization’s pitfalls and lawsuits loomed like Soviet-era monuments, users persisted. One might call it romanticism, or merely the allure of low fees and wishful thinking 🤷♂️.
Such a colossal culling of contracts-like a biblical plague-could send tremors through every corner of the market. One might say, the very fabric of crypto fate hangs in the balance, waiting for the next punchline of chaos.
Some people are panicking and running for the hills – a perfectly reasonable reaction, if you ask me. Others? They’re doubling down! Like a broken record! What is WRONG with people?! They’re accumulating despite being deeply, profoundly in the red. Honestly, it’s like watching a slow-motion financial train wreck.
According to the estimable Bank of Lithuania, otherwise referred to as Lietuvos Bankas, all enterprises that do partake in the distribution of crypto services must be graced with a valid license under the European Union’s MiCA framework. From the onset of January the First, in 2026, any platform found operating without such approbation shall be regarded as wholly unlawful.
