While the U.S.-listed Ethereum ETFs flounder like a nose in search of a face, corporate treasuries are quietly hoarding ETH like a miser collecting buttons. What a spectacle! As 2025 gasps its final breaths, investors are left scratching their heads, wondering if they’ve stumbled into a Gogol short story. 🤡
ETHNews, that beacon of seriousness, reports the legislation with such vigor, one would think it’s curing the common cold. The noble goal? To imprison cryptocurrency within the shackles of regulation, where the Bank of Ghana shall dance with the Securities and Exchange Commission in a tango of oversight. Let us pray their feet do not falter!
Liquidity, that elusive siren, has packed her bags and sailed away, leaving crypto markets as parched as a desert mirage. Risk appetite? It’s hiding under the bed, clutching a teddy bear. 🧸 Allocators, those cautious souls, tiptoe into year-end like mice in a minefield. 🎇
From its all-time high of $1,376, the poor BNB has tumbled to a mere $840. Its market cap? Shrunk from a plump $180 billion to a slender $118 billion. 🤑→🤕 And why, you ask? Blame the crypto market crash, that mischievous imp that’s been wreaking havoc on Bitcoin and its altcoin cousins. 🌪️
One of the most baffling phenomena? XRP ETFs are still attracting capital, even as the price wobbles like a drunk flamingo. Despite a 2.3% drop in 24 hours, the institutional crowd is more focused on the long game than the short-term drama. It’s like watching a group of financial wizards try to build a spaceship while the cockpit is on fire. 🔥🚀
These jokers have outdone the dark web, blending scams, AI trickery, and money laundering into one big, shady carnival. 🎢
Now, listen well, for the comparison-though seemingly simple-is but a mirror to the human soul and its infinite contradictions. Bittensor, the humble and unadorned, calls itself the most decentralized of networks, nearly echoing the spirit of that old friend Bitcoin-free, unbound, almost divine in its lack of master. There are no kings or aristocrats, only the ceaseless battle of subnet against subnet, striving, innovating, seeking to forge the future in the crucible of chaos.
Currently, our illustrious 20 are strutting at exactly 2702.73-down 0.8% or about twenty-two and some cents in the grand grand scheme. Like a poorly vaccinated parade, none of them dare to rise higher than their yesterday’s selves, which is either inspiring or deeply depressing, depending on your outlook (and possibly your investment portfolio).
The token’s descent into a bearish channel-complete with lower highs and a 5-cent trading range-is a masterclass in despair, per CoinDesk Research’s model. 🎓
On a Sunday, no less-a day typically reserved for repose-Selig was sworn in as the 16th chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. 🌟✨ Acting chair Caroline Pham, after a four-year odyssey, relinquished her scepter, leaving behind a legacy of regulatory bravado.