The updated filing, submitted to the SEC on November 3, 2025, provides new details about the fund’s structure, management, and operational plans. Because who doesn’t want to read 100 pages of “operational plans”? 📚
In a move straight out of their Nov. 3 brainstorm session, Kraken stands as one of the first regulated exchanges to allow EU traders to use crypto as collateral for perpetual futures, all under the watchful eye of regulation. Traders can finally breathe easier, knowing they wouldn’t accidentally fund an entire underground parking lot.
Shorts now rule the ballroom with a dashing 54.74% dominance-because nothing says romance like betting against your own future. 💌💔 Prices remain caged below $0.23, as buyer conviction is about as strong as a poet at breakfast.
Once upon a time, Strategy would buy tens of thousands of Bitcoin in mere days. Now? They’re barely touching 200 BTC a week. Ouch. That’s the lowest it’s been since 2020-when they first started their Bitcoin buying binge. Talk about a plot twist! 😱 But don’t be fooled, they’re not backing out of Bitcoin. They’re just… waiting. Because why not, right? Just chilling and watching the market do its thing.
In a rather, shall we say, colourful X (formerly Twitter) post on October 31, Bessent took to the digital stage, criticizing Senate Democrats for their apparent inability to “stay online” amid political turbulence. Comparing their struggles to Bitcoin’s near-perfect 16-year track record of uninterrupted network activity, Bessent suggested that perhaps, just perhaps, the Democrats might want to take a few notes from BTC’s rather unflappable behaviour. Oh, the irony! He, a Republican, wielding Bitcoin as the symbol of perseverance, while the Democrats – embroiled in an ongoing federal budget saga – can’t seem to agree on anything besides what time lunch should be served.
IREN’s journey is like a reality TV show: drama, reinvention, and a sudden surge in stock prices that makes your head spin. 🌀 The company started as Iris Energy in 2018, mining Bitcoin with the enthusiasm of a kid in a candy store. But when Bitcoin’s value took a nosedive after the April 2024 halving, IREN’s stock plummeted to a measly $5.13. (Translation: “We’re not dead yet, but we’re definitely not alive either.”) 💸
Thanks to this shopping spree, BitMine now hoards $12.4 billion worth of ETH. For context, that’s enough to buy every avocado toast in Brooklyn for 37 years. Meanwhile, institutional investors are out here playing “hot potato” with altcoins, because nothing says “long-term strategy” like treating crypto like a Russian roulette wheel. 🎲💸
But wait! Our sources (a crystal ball and a very serious CryptoQuant report) suggest this might be the calm before the storm. 🌩️
Meanwhile, the whales-those majestic, mysterious giants-are moving billions of dollars like they’re playing a high-stakes game of musical chairs. Moving coins from cold wallets to exchanges, because nothing screams “buy low, sell high” like a panic sell-off. This sudden shuffle has everyone gasping, much like spotting an aunt ‘dancing’ after her third glass of sherry. Asian markets are quiet, but that makes the volatility even more fun-like a surprise guest crashing your tea party. ☕️
In a tender seven days, this bewitching wonder has escalated by the almost laughable margin of 1.8%. Meanwhile, the number of exuberant holders swelling in this market has briskly risen, like the yeast in a baker’s dough, surpassing 57,900-a cheer of over 6% with no hint of shame! Will they toast with champagne or merely sip tepid coffee, pensive as always?