Binance, now under the watchful eye of the U.S. Justice Department, allowed hundreds of millions to flow through flagged accounts post-settlement. The leaked data, spanning 2021-2025, reads like a choose-your-own-adventure book titled How to Get Away With It (Mostly). 📖
According to Timmer, Bitcoin’s price history dances to a four-year beat, like a polka at a bar mitzvah. Past peaks? Followed by corrections so steep, they’d make the Alps jealous-70% to 85% drops! 🏔️💎 Remember 2013? $1,137 to $230. 2017? $14,050 to $3,415. It’s like a rollercoaster designed by a sadist-or a genius, depending on your perspective. 🤪
According to a statement posted on what used to be Twitter, Senator Lummis has decided being a Senator is a bit much, energy-wise. It’s about the same energy you’d expect from digging up actual gold. Speaking of which, Wyoming has seemingly been the sole focus in her time in office.
The esteemed HyperLiquid Labs, purveyor of decentralized futures, has lately found itself embroiled in the sort of scandal that would make even Lady Whistledown blush. In a statement dripping with the gravity of a magistrate’s decree, the exchange proclaimed its employees strictly forbidden from dabbling in HYPE derivatives-lest they be tempted by confidential information, a vice most unbecoming.
That’s right, folks! The largest Brazilian stock exchange, B3, has decided, “Why use real money when we can make our own?” Introducing their very own stablecoin-coming soon in 2026 (or whenever they remember to hit ‘launch’).
Oh, do pay attention, darling. Apparently, there\’s a frightful kerfuffle in the digital ether regarding something called ‘Midnight.’ A blockchain, you see, built on Cardoso – sounds terribly continental. It\’s suddenly become frightfully popular, leaping to become the fourth most traded cryptocurrency globally. Honestly, the vulgarity of it all! Volume’s gone quite mad, hitting nearly eight billion dollars, and a ‘NIGHT’ token (how terribly dramatic!) is now worth… well, a paltry $0.118. Still, one must keep up, mustn\’t one?
In a press conference that could rival the best soap operas, Nabiullina confessed it’s “probably difficult to quantify” the exact influence of mining. You see, a hefty chunk of it lurks in shadows, elusive as a cat on a hot tin roof. Yet, she acknowledged that mining could indeed be one of those delightful little factors helping keep the ruble afloat, patting the currency like a well-trained dog. 🐕🦺
Binance, the leading crypto exchange by trading volume, has just made it possible for everyone to earn a passive-like income through ether options, opening up a strategy once limited to pros. 🙌
The exchange liquidation map – a diagram that secretly yearns to be more dramatic than it is – shows a rather unfortunate imbalance. Lots of short sellers clustered around the current price. They are feeling optimistic, or desperate. Long positions are lower down, near $85,000, looking somewhat bewildered. This creates a rather narrow corridor where the price is essentially pinned between opposing forces of financial fate. It’s all very… unsettling. 😬
As the government whispers about “appropriate action”-which is bureaucratic for “we might do something, probably… maybe”-markets watch the yen plummet with a mix of disdain and amusement. Japan, that island nation of punctuality and elegance, now gallantly wades into the turbulent waters of currency chaos, waving its intervention sword like a bemused samurai.