EURJPY

Chainlink, ever the diligent worker, has joined forces with Gearbox to ensure that DeFi’s pricing is as precise as a well-timed punchline. 💸 This partnership is aimed at leveraging and lending markets on Monad, a blockchain so reliable, even your grandma would trust it with her savings. 🧓

Meanwhile, a handful of so-called “cryptocurrency analysts,” those daring seers of digital currency, have boldly proclaimed that ETH might just be on the cusp of an exhilarating breakout toward the elusive $3,700. Oh, how thrilling! It’s a bit like predicting that a long-lost heirloom will reappear from the depths of the family attic, isn’t it?

In what can only be described as a blockbuster weekend for cybersecurity, the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) decided to play the role of the gallant knight, charging into the digital dark ages to rescue innocent citizens from the clutches of cyber miscreants.

So there we were, minding our business, brushing our teeth, maybe shorting something we don’t fully understand, when-BAM!-250 million LIT tokens vanished from the vault like a politician’s promise. Poof. Gone. Moved. Possibly into the hands of future millionaires. Or possibly just into another wallet on the same laptop. We don’t know. Nobody knows. That’s the vibe.

According to the esteemed Bloomberg ETF analyst, the illustrious Eric Balchunas, our dear IBIT has attracted a staggering $25 billion this year, even as it languishes in the red, much like a jester left out in the cold! Yet, while other noble equity and bond ETFs prance ahead with their double-digit gains, our hapless IBIT stands out, clutching its paltry fortunes, a veritable marvel! 🧐

Les Faits

Yet, the altcoins, those mischievous choristers, have turned the stage green with their antics. Ethereum, ever the ambitious understudy, flirts with $3,000, while XRP, the resilient acrobat, bounces above the $1.90 trapeze. And let us not forget the double-digit daredevils-ZEC, HYPE, CRO, UNI, and CC-each performing their own financial pirouette. 🎭💸

The market’s timid heart skipped a beat as retail investors fled, clutching their wallets like children hiding from a thunderstorm. Solana, ever the resilient aristocrat, stood firm-a relic of better days-while lesser chains crumbled beneath the weight of their own hubris.

In a move so bold it could only be described as either genius or galloping lunacy, the Polish Sejm-yes, that esteemed chamber where laws are born and die like mayflies in a vodka storm-voted last Thursday to resurrect the Crypto-Asset Market Act, identical in every way to the version President Karol Nawrocki had so dramatically rejected earlier this month. Not modified. Not improved. Not even a new font. Just… poof… back again, like a ghost that forgot to haunt anyone else. 👻