Meanwhile, a $500 million telecom-financing fraud tied to BlackRock’s private-credit arm has rocked institutional markets, raising new concerns about risk management and due diligence. Or, as we like to call it, “Monday morning quarterbacking for the galaxy.”
Such alchemy was previously performed with their SOL ETF, which now dances on the Nasdaq like a freshly pressed waistcoat. The parallels are uncanny, and one suspects Canary’s legal team has been binge-watching Masterpiece Theatre for inspiration.
Mark well, dear reader, the date of January 16, 2025. On that fateful morn, Shiba Inu’s open interest soared to a dizzying $519 million, a summit so lofty it seemed to touch the heavens. Yet, like a snowman in July, it melted away. By February, the decline was as swift as a Moscow winter, plunging by over 50%. And now? Now, it has tumbled below $100 million, a figure so paltry it would make a street urchin blush. Coinglass, that harbinger of doom, reports a mere $89 million-a decline of 80% in nine months. A tragedy, you say? Or perhaps, a farce?
Monica Long, President of Ripple and, presumably, bearer of enlightenment, recently declared-eyes glistening with technocratic fervor-that RLUSD is not “hype.” No, no, she insists. This is “real impact.” 😏 As if impact could be measured not in tears, not in bread, not in shelter, but in transaction speed. In seconds! In milliseconds! In the trembling of servers as value flashes across continents like the soul fleeing a dying body!
Crypto detectives, including the ever-vigilant ZachXBT, rolled their eyes so hard they nearly saw their own brains. “Oh, SBF, still spinning tales from your cell?” they muttered.
“Ah, the sweet thrill of a gamble!” Hougan muses on X, as if channeling a Dostoevsky character with a Robinhood account. Solana, he declares, is betting on both the “explosion” of tokenized widgets and its own ability to snatch Ethereum’s lunch. “Good bets?” He shrugs. “Better than my ex’s poker face.”
Western Union Holdings, Inc., or as they like to be called when wearing their futuristic hat, filed with the US Patent and Trademark Office on Wednesday. The trademark, dubbed “WUUSD,” covers an array of crypto services. According to the filing, the trademark has been accepted but, unsurprisingly, it’s still awaiting its moment in the sun with an examiner. Think of it as being stuck in the bureaucratic traffic jam of a crypto renaissance.
But, for every head-shake of doubt, there’s a shoulder shrug of optimism from those with a longer view. It seems the old gods of the macroeconomic heaven have fallen in once more with Bitcoin, as rates got trimmed by 25bps and quantitative tightening’s curtain call has been set for December 1st. These calculated moves are setting the stage, or so the hopeful believe, for what they’ve playfully dubbed the “dawning liquidity cycle” – a sip of fortune for Bitcoin’s grand voyage.
The announcement takes immediate effect at high noon UTC on the last day of October, affecting all who might be joining in from Japan. Fear not, dear current patrons of Bybit; you can continue enjoying your digital dalliances uninterrupted.
Bybit, that paragon of virtue, is temporarily halting new user sign-ups for its platform in Japan. This monumental step will commence on October 31, 2025, at precisely 12 PM UTC, as if the FSA had summoned the exchange with a baton. The company claims this is all for the “sudden” change, though one wonders if the FSA’s demands were as sudden as a vampire’s thirst. 🧙♂️
