US Prosecutors Go Full Speed Ahead Against Crypto Bros in MEV Bot Case!

On Tuesday, in a dazzling display of courtroom drama at the US District Court for the Southern District of New York, the US prosecutors fired back against an amicus curiae – that’s a fancy term for a brief from someone who isn’t even part of the case but still wants to have their say. This particular brief, filed by Coin Center (a crypto advocacy group), seemed to want to give the brothers a chance to skip away scot-free. The prosecutors? Not impressed. 😡

The Abyss Stares Back: Jerome Powell’s Doomsday Clock Ticks for Jobs!

Job growth, once a stalwart steed, now limps like a wounded beast. On October 29th, the Fed’s high priest, Jerome Powell, intoned: “In this tepid and faltering labor market, the specters of unemployment loom ever larger…” 🕯️ His words hung in the air, heavy as a Russian winter. Inflation? “Eased,” he claimed, though it lingers like a bad confession.

🚨 XRP’s Descent: A Tale of Greed, Fear & That Pesky 16% Drop 🐑📉

Martinez, armed with the cold calculus of history, traced a path of past miseries: a 24% collapse on July 22nd, a 17% wail on August 8th, and a symphony of 13% drops in mid-August and September. “Lo! On September 27th, a buy signal birthed a 12% rebound, and October 22nd saw a 14% surge,” he proclaimed, as if recounting the tragicomedy of a market lost in its own farce. Now, the TD Sequential, with a new “9” mark near $2.64, signals another plunge, as inevitable as the sun rising to mock the night.

The Whales are Swimming, but the Real Money Never Left!

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Is Ripple Secretly Planning to Sell XRP Tokens in Escrow? Here’s What the CTO Says

Schwartz casually dropped this bombshell on X (the platform formerly known as Twitter) on Monday: while the 35 billion XRP tokens currently residing in escrow are not allowed to circulate until their designated release dates, Ripple can sell the rights to receive those tokens or even transfer the accounts that hold them. So much for “locked” being synonymous with “inaccessible,” huh? 😏

BTC’s Descent into Hysteria: Bollinger Bands Whisper Omens of Doom 📉🔮

The lower band, currently loitering at $103,752, has become BTC’s new BFF, a toxic friendship that smells of panic and bad decisions. Should this alliance deepen, the $103,000-$102,000 range-a place where dreams go to die-will throw a welcome party for our beleaguered cryptocurrency. History, it seems, is not a gentle teacher. 🤚