EURJPY

Why now, you ask? Oh, just the usual: inflation’s rearing its ugly head, currencies are wobblier than a wizard on a unicycle, and everyone’s scrambling for a safe haven. 🌪️💸

The clock ticked toward October 29, 2025, and the world held its breath. The Fed, that fickle jester, had promised a rate cut, and the market, ever the optimist, believed. The CME FedWatch Tool, that digital oracle, spat out numbers so high they made the moon blush-98.3% chance of a cut, 1.7% chance of staying put. A rate hike? A joke. The Fed had better things to do than torment the masses.

News of the security breach spread rapidly throughout the crypto world, and security companies immediately advised users to cancel any permissions they had granted to the affected digital address. PeckShieldAlert reported on X (formerly Twitter) that 402bridge was hacked, with approximately $17,000 worth of USDC stolen, and urged anyone who had authorized transactions with the address 0xed..9FC5 to revoke that authorization.

According to the local gossips-er, media-the HKMA has released a report so scintillating, it outlines the main findings from the trials. The rollout, of course, is for institutional clients only. Retail investors? Oh, do keep up, they’re simply not on the guest list. 🎟️

In a tweet that probably caused a few fingers to cramp from clicking “send,” Michael Saylor, the oracle of digital gold, announced another expansion of their digital hoard. This round involved snagging 390 BTC at roughly $111,000 each-because who doesn’t like paying a king’s ransom for a bunch of digital squiggles? Total spending: a neat $43.4 million, money that could buy a yacht-or maybe a small moon mission.

Three altcoin ETFs-Bitwise’s SOL, Canary’s LTC, and HBAR-will debut Tuesday, according to Eric Balchunas, a prophet of Bloomberg. One might say the SEC’s approval is less a regulatory act and more a divine nod from the Tsar of Tokens himself.

The Facts:

On a drizzly Sunday evening, one Nate Geraci, a fellow who knows his ETFs from his elbow, declared with a wink that the coming fortnight would be positively electric for those long-suffering spot crypto funds. Solana, XRP, LTC, and a gaggle of others were all lined up like eager schoolchildren, ready to launch into the fray. “All set and raring to go,” he chortled, as if the whole affair were a grand picnic.

In a move that’s as bold as a Coward one-liner, Citi has partnered with Coinbase to merge traditional banking with blockchain finance. How très chic! 🥂

This announcement follows a most curious surge of enthusiasm for VIRTUAL, which, ’tis said, reached a peak not seen in three moons, all thanks to bustling commerce upon the ‘chain’ and a few sly alliances forged of late.