Their new rule: If a company’s balance sheet is over 50% crypto, they’re out. Phong Le, CEO of Strategy, called it “penalizing Chevron for oil.” Oh please, if Chevron got this treatment, we’d still be driving steam-powered Teslas. 🚗💨
Ah, the NIGHT token, which once stumbled and faltered, is finally finding its feet after a chaotic start. The market, gripped by curiosity and the allure of privacy on the Cardano sidechain, has been watching with bated breath. Enter the analyst, Gauravnegi19, who, with the confidence of a gambler on a hot streak, boldly declares that the token has likely hit its nadir. His followers on X (formerly Twitter) are all ears. 🎩
In an announcement that no one saw coming (apart from, you know, anyone with a smartphone), fintech heavyweight Revolut and Trust Wallet-yes, the Binance-owned Trust Wallet, the one with more users than your average social media platform-have teamed up to make crypto purchases faster, easier, and possibly more confusing than ever for European users. And the best bit? You can actually hold on to your crypto! Mind-blowing stuff, right? 😏
According to Gulf News, this grand gesture is part of the UAE’s noble quest to “push toward regulated digital finance.” One might wonder if this is a genuine effort to modernize or simply a way to ensure that even your mobile bill is as opaque as a medieval manuscript. 🧠📜
On December 10th, during an appearance on “Crypto In America,” Coinbase’s Head of Institutional John D’Agostino gave the world something to think about. The Czech National Bank is testing Bitcoin in its national treasury and for payments. Yep, you read that right – Bitcoin. And D’Agostino believes this could spread like wildfire across the Eurozone. Hold on to your wallets!
Key Takeaways (Because Who Has Time for the Whole Story?)
CBDCs, Bitcoin hoarding, and moving your ID to Ethereum by 2026. Because nothing says “trust us” like a 4-year timeline. ⏳
Welcome to the Circus 🎪
The realized losses of this saga now eclipse profits, as if the network itself weeps in bear-market tears, while the $129 price tag glows with the ominous humility of a middle school prom ticket. 🎞️
After weeks of what one assumes was purposeful wandering in the legislative wilderness, the Senate Democrats have decided they have some… opinions. A “counterproposal,” they’re calling it. It’s based on the RFIA (which, let’s be honest, sounds like a particularly nasty virus) and is mysteriously split between two committees. Committees! As if the crypto world isn’t confusing enough.
