What to know:
- KBW’s oracle-like utterance: CoreWeave’s bid, so irresistibly “cheap,” glimmers less than the dust on the moon compared to ancient and venerable data center behemoths.
- Shareholder revolt may loom, pitchforks gleaming with the fervor only capitalism can evoke.
- Still, in the profound silence of rival bids (and silence can be oh-so golden), analysts arithmetically mutter: this may just happen. 📉
Imagine, dear reader, a scene: CoreWeave (CRWV), ever the suavest suitor at this unseemly ball, extends its trembling, ticker-symbol-branded hand to Core Scientific (CORZ). All-stock, all-in, for a mere $20.40 per share—a price implying a ~16x FY26E EBITDA multiple, draped in the funeral veil of undervaluation. Investment bank KBW twists its pince-nez and pronounces the verdict: “Discounted!”
Meanwhile, Core Scientific’s shares, like quixotic lovers spurned, have tumbled 18% to lounge listlessly at $14.75—in contrast to CoreWeave, down a paltry 5%, still faintly blushing after running a marathon since IPO (295% up, but who’s counting—besides everyone).
The plot thickens (or perhaps curdles): CoreWeave’s grand designs involve slicing and dicing $10B worth of lease obligations, while savoring an amuse-bouche of $500 million annual savings by 2027. “Opportunistic!” cries KBW, beads of analytic sweat dotting their furrowed brows, as they marvel at CRWV’s share price meteor. 🚀
Enter analyst Bill Papanastasiou, whose pen drips with both understatement and dread: “This, dear reader, is CRWV opportunistically clutching at its newly swollen stock price, yet the market, that perfidious charmer, seems underwhelmed.”
For every Core Scientific share, a dainty morsel of 0.1235 CoreWeave shares—math enthusiasts, rejoice! All this puts Core Scientific’s total allure at roughly $9 billion, in an agreement requiring, inevitably, a shareholder thumbs-up (or not) by Q4 2025.
Shareholders, clutching spreadsheets and dreams, gaze askance: no cash, just the soft rattle of swapped shares; the asset base, a museum piece unchanged since CRWV’s first unrequited gesture. “There will be friction,” intones the analyst, perhaps stroking a weary cat.
Nonetheless, with not a single rival offer lurking behind the curtains, forward the deal staggers, Frankenstein’s monster-like, according to KBW’s script.
Rating? “Outperform,” quoth KBW, with a $19 price target, while the rival druids at Bernstein, observing the stock’s collapse post-announcement, surmise shareholders anticipated golden apples, not overripe pears. Their own rating: outperform, but gently—it comes with a $17 price tag.
Thus concludes our modern-day fable: all stock, no cash, and more drama than a Dostoevsky novella (but fewer existential crises… maybe). 🧐💰
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2025-07-07 22:50