SpaceX’s Bitcoin Rollercoaster: Satellites, IPOs, and a Dash of Sarcasm

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In an era where fortunes are buoyed and sunk with the flicker of a digital number, SpaceX once soared high above the clouds, cradling a staggering 28,000 Bitcoin – a treasure chest valued at approximately $1.8 billion. But alas, like many grand tales of greed and folly, this too has met with a dose of reality, dwindling down to a mere 8,285 BTC, now worth about $574 million. How poetic it is that in two short years, as the crypto markets spiraled into chaos, SpaceX shed nearly 70% of its original hoard.

A Treasury Quietly Cut Down

In August of 2023, whispers wafted through the hallowed halls of finance, as the Wall Street Journal unveiled the somber truth: SpaceX quietly wrote down $373 million in Bitcoin value for the years 2021 and 2022. They had sold off portions of their digital fortune-though the exact magnitude of this act of financial acrobatics remained shrouded in mystery.

This revelation was so shocking that it sent Bitcoin tumbling below the $25,000 mark, triggering a domino effect that resulted in over $386 million in futures liquidations. Ah, the beauty of being a private company! SpaceX managed to evade the public scrutiny that would have surely accompanied such a sell-off, timing their exit strategically alongside the catastrophic implosions of crypto giants like Terraform Labs and FTX.

BITCOIN COMPANY LAUNCHING SATELLITES

SpaceX just launched 29 Starlink satellites – and holds 8,285 BTC ($573.8M).

With ~10,000 satellites in orbit and a potential $1.75T IPO, one of the world’s largest companies is bringing Bitcoin onto its balance sheet. Read more below:

– Arkham (@arkham) March 21, 2026

Now, this reduced cache of Bitcoin finds itself thrust into the limelight, as SpaceX gears up for what could potentially be the most colossal initial public offering in history. Bloomberg recently reported that this audacious listing could rake in a staggering $50 billion and elevate the company’s valuation to a dizzying $1.75 trillion. For perspective, remember Saudi Aramco? Their debut in 2026 raised a paltry $29 billion – how quaint by comparison.

What The IPO Changes

At this lofty valuation of $1.75 trillion, the $574 million worth of Bitcoin on SpaceX’s books is but a drop in the ocean, akin to tossing a coin into the sea and expecting a tidal wave. Yet, the symbolism is indeed profound. Few titans of industry hold Bitcoin as a balance sheet asset, and a company as monumental as SpaceX going public with BTC nestled in its portfolio would thrust this practice into the consciousness of a new breed of institutional investors.

On March 19, SpaceX executed yet another routine mission, launching 29 Starlink satellites from Cape Canaveral aboard a Falcon 9 rocket-a standard Tuesday for a company that has become the world’s busiest launch provider. Meanwhile, Starlink’s network swells to nearly 10,000 satellites dancing around our planet.

By the close of 2025, data revealed that Starlink had garnered 9.2 million active users globally, with revenues projected to skyrocket to $24 billion in 2026-up from a humble $10 billion the year prior. Such exponential growth is the lifeblood fueling SpaceX’s ambitious valuation ahead of the listing.

According to Arkham Intelligence, which diligently tracks on-chain data, SpaceX ranks 18th among corporate Bitcoin holders across the globe. In stark contrast, Strategy (formerly known as MicroStrategy) stands tall with over 761,000 BTC, boldly declaring a public ambition to amass 1 million coins before the end of 2026.

As we ponder this dizzying saga, Bitcoin was trading at approximately $70,650 at the time of this publication. A fitting number, perhaps, as we take stock of our own aspirations in the realm of the absurd.

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2026-03-22 00:42