Tajikistan’s Bitcoin Bust-Up: A Tale of Power, Profit, and 8-Year Sentences! 💰⚡

Bingo! The Republic of Tajikistan, that most picturesque of Central Asian kingdoms, has decreed that any enterprising soul who dares to mine Bitcoin with pilfered electricity shall be summarily hauled before the courts and faced with a choice between a fine that would make a miser weep or a prison term that would give even the most hardened criminal pause for thought. Winter, it seems, is not merely a season but a veritable battleground of fiscal rectitude.

  • The new Criminal Code, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, now penalizes the “illegal use of electricity for virtual asset mining” with fines ranging from 15,000 to 75,000 somoni and prison terms up to eight years-enough to make a man reconsider his life choices, or at least his mining rig’s power source. 🏗️
  • The Honorable Habibullo Vohidzoda, Tajikistan’s esteemed Prosecutor General, has blamed rogue mining farms for national power shortages, financial losses (32 million somoni, if you please!), and a host of crimes from money laundering to “material damage to the state”-a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a call for tea. ☕
  • Tax evasion? Pah! The amendments also target that, because nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like ensuring digital alchemists pay their dues. The bill awaits President Rahmon’s signature, though one suspects he’ll sign it with the same enthusiasm as a man offered a second helping of plov. 🍚

According to reports from Asia-Plus, Tajikistan’s parliament has, with all the drama of a Victorian melodrama, passed legislation that turns Bitcoin miners into potential inmates. The new law adds a sprightly Article to the Criminal Code, which now reads like a particularly stern letter from Auntie Agatha: “Thou shalt not pilfer electrons for thy crypto gains.”

Under these noble provisions, the average Joe caught mining with stolen power might find himself fined between 15,000 and 37,000 somoni-or, if he’s part of a “gang,” as the papers call them, slapped with a fine of 75,000 somoni and a prison sentence from two to five years. For those with grand ambitions (and a taste for chaos), the “particularly large scale” offenders face five to eight years behind bars. One wonders if the cells come with Wi-Fi. 🚨

Mr. Vohidzoda, in a speech that would have made Oscar Wilde blush, declared that these illicit mining farms have caused power shortages across the land, forcing authorities to ration electricity like a miser at a feast. “They’ve created favorable conditions for crime,” he intoned, which is code for “someone’s stealing my tea.” 🕵️‍♂️

He further noted that the illegal circulation of Bitcoin has led to “material damage to the state,” money laundering, and “other offenses”-a phrase so vague it could apply to wearing socks with sandals. Investigations are underway, and several mining farms have been discovered illegally connected to the grid, which is to say, they’re operating like a group of mischievous children who’ve never heard of asking permission. 🔌

Official estimates claim these rogue operations have cost the state 32 million somoni, a sum that would buy a lot of winter blankets-or perhaps a single Bitcoin, if one shops wisely. Mr. Vohidzoda also mentioned that some cheeky miners imported equipment from abroad, a move that is, to put it kindly, “highly irregular.” 🛒

Lawmaker Shukhrat Ganizoda, ever the optimist, noted that the amendments will also prevent tax evasion. The bill, once signed by President Emomali Rahmon, will become law with all the ceremony of a well-timed yawn. And so, as the Great Winter Energy Crisis looms, Tajikistan’s citizens are left to wonder: Will they keep the lights on, or will the Bitcoin barons meet their fate in a cell with a view of the mountains? ❄️

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2025-12-10 13:16