So, it turns out that Trump’s tariff war wasn’t a total disaster for everyone. I mean, who needs world peace when you can have a boost in quarterly revenue, right? 🤑 The big banks in the US are expected to rake it in from their trading arms, because, you know, investors had to scramble to adjust their portfolios. Chaos is always good for business, folks!
JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, and Bank of America are looking at a collective $26.4 billion in revenue from equities and fixed income trading. That’s an 11% gain from last year, because who doesn’t love a good game of financial musical chairs? 🎶 The Sunday Times reports that this is all thanks to the tariff-induced portfolio shifts. Yeah, because that’s exactly what we need, more financial instability.
Saul Martinez, a banking analyst at HSBC, says, “I think it’ll be a good quarter… There may be some upside to estimates and upside to some of the guidance figures that the banks gave, and it certainly feels like on the equity side, there’s still good momentum.” Yeah, because “good momentum” is code for “we’re making a killing off this chaos.”
“I do think you know the results in this quarter and last quarter do raise questions about the sustainability of this kind of sales and trading.” Oh, you think? 🤔 I mean, who needs sustainable financial practices when you can just ride the tariff wave?
Betsy Graseck, a banking analyst at Morgan Stanley, chimes in, saying that investment banking revenue in Q2 is looking better than expected. Because, you know, who doesn’t love a good surprise? 🎉 And management teams are going to “point to pipelines building,” which is just corporate speak for “we’re making it rain.”
Some unnamed senior Wall Street executive (because who needs accountability, right?) tells The Times, “Anybody that’s in the market-making business, providing people with instantaneous liquidity, is going to benefit. Stocks went down, bonds went down, and the currency went down, and we just saw derisking.” Yeah, because that’s exactly what we need, more risk-taking in the financial sector. 🤦♂️
In the first quarter, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) said that financial institutions in the US reported a return of 1.16% and net income of $70.6 billion. Because, you know, who doesn’t love a good profit? 🤑 The FDIC said the rise in income was a jump of $3.8 billion, or 5.8%, from the previous quarter. Yeah, because that’s exactly what we need, more financial institutions making bank off our backs.
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2025-07-14 10:21