Tether’s Billions: You Won’t Believe This! 🤑

Ah, Tether. That delightfully opaque entity, purveyor of the digital dollar, or something resembling one. It seems the little beastie, USDT, is not merely surviving but thriving, attracting the sort of investor interest usually reserved for rare butterflies and slightly dubious land deals. Paolo Ardoino, the fellow at the helm, offers these hints-rather like dropping crumbs for a particularly greedy flock of pigeons.

Let us observe, shall we?

Tether’s Profits Near $15 Billion

Bloomberg, that purveyor of financial solemnity, whispers that Tether is poised to accumulate a rather vulgar sum – almost $15 billion in profit this year. A mere trifle, perhaps, compared to the fortunes of some oil sheik, but impressive nonetheless. Ardoino intones, “This year we’re going to approach another $15 billion profit. That’s very rare,” as if discovering a particularly well-preserved fossil. A 99% profit margin, he further notes with what I suspect is barely concealed glee, unmatched by any other – a boast worthy of a particularly puffed-up peacock.

And the vultures-er, investors-are circling. They want a piece, naturally. Up to $20 billion for a paltry 3% stake! Valuing the company at… a preposterous $500 billion. Ardoino, ever the discerning host, claims he must “draw a line in the sand” because such a valuation is “very cheap.” One suspects the line is drawn at a figure considerably more agreeable to Tether. 😇 A charmingly understated bit of gamesmanship, wouldn’t you agree?

Tether Targets U.S. with Stablecoin USAT

Now, the real ambition. Having conquered, or at least tentatively occupied, the emerging markets, Tether has its sights set on the United States with their new creation: USAT. A stablecoin perfectly calibrated, one presumes, for American appetites and, crucially, compliant with the rather cumbersome requirements of some regulatory body called something like GENIUS. Apparently, they intend to ensnare-I mean, serve-100 million American users. Such benevolent imperialism. The launch, scheduled for December, is a joint venture with Anchorage Digital, a name that conjures images of hidden treasures and waterproof vaults.

A key component of this grand scheme involves Rumble, that video platform Tether invested a rather ludicrous $775 million in. And a crypto wallet, of course. Because what’s a nascent financial empire without a suitably shiny digital pouch? They plan, rather ambitiously, to invest in two or three more platforms-likely sites devoted to the ceaseless churning of content-to inflate their user base to that magic 100 million. The aim? To dethrone PayPal, that aging titan of online payments. Let the games continue. 😏

Dual Role of USDT, USAT

Ardoino is at pains to explain – as if anyone is really listening-the nuanced difference between USDT and USAT. USDT, he insists, is for the…less fortunate, the unbanked masses in Africa, Latin America, and Southeast Asia. A noble, philanthropic endeavour, naturally. (Though one wonders if profit isn’t playing a role.) USAT, on the other hand, is for us, the discerning Americans, compliant and…well, American. A clever bit of compartmentalization.

They’ve reached 500 million users, you see. Ardoino declares it “likely the biggest financial inclusion achievement in history.” A rather bold claim, even for a company accustomed to hyperbole. I suspect the Egyptian pyramids might have encompassed a slightly larger sphere of influence.

And with a staggering $183 billion USDT in circulation, Tether controls nearly 60% of the stablecoin market. A tidy monopoly, wouldn’t you say? One almost feels sorry for the competition-almost. 🤔

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2025-10-25 12:25