The Federal Reserve, that enigmatic oracle of monetary fate, has once again sliced the federal funds rate by a quarter-point, dragging it into the purgatory of 3.75%-4.00%. A Sisyphean ritual, one might say, as the institution now halts its balance sheet’s hemorrhage by December. 🤯
- The Fed’s scalpel strikes again: 25bps shaved off rates, as predictable as death and taxes.
- Quantitative tightening? A relic of the past by December. The markets rejoice, or so we’re told. 🎭
- Operating in a data vacuum, thanks to Washington’s latest farce: a government shutdown, that grand American tradition of self-sabotage. 🤷♂️
Job growth, once a stalwart steed, now limps like a wounded beast. On October 29th, the Fed’s high priest, Jerome Powell, intoned: “In this tepid and faltering labor market, the specters of unemployment loom ever larger…” 🕯️ His words hung in the air, heavy as a Russian winter. Inflation? “Eased,” he claimed, though it lingers like a bad confession.
The vote? A mere 10-2. Stephen I. Miran, Trump’s latest apostle, demanded deeper cuts-a gambler at the monetary roulette wheel. Meanwhile, Jeffrey R. Schmid, Kansas City’s sentinel, clung to rates like a barnacle to a sinking ship. 🚢
The Fed’s missive? “Jobs are crumbling; risks abound.” A Shakespearean tragedy, if Shakespeare wrote central bank statements. And yet, crypto markets-those digital phantoms of modern avarice-plummeted. Rate cuts be damned! 🎭
Crypto: The Unloved Child of Monetary Policy
This marks the second cut this year, a dirge for an economy that refuses to choose: inflation’s fire or unemployment’s ice. Recall when Trump’s tariffs choked supply chains? The Fed then fretted like a maiden aunt. Now, data-starved and directionless, it fiddles while Rome… well, you know. 🎻
A dovish tilt? Perhaps. But in this farce, the Fed resembles a blindfolded Oedipus, stumbling toward destiny. Or is it merely another act in capitalism’s eternal tragicomedy? 🎭
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2025-10-29 23:06