Facts Somewhat Stranger Than Fiction:
- Jerome Powell, grand conductor of interest rates, hinted that a September cut isn’t out of the question. Wall Street promptly fainted.
- Powell said “Downside risks to employment are rising.” Translation: Folks may soon be polishing up their resumes.
- Bitcoin, apparently with nothing better to do, shot upward because Powell got all sweet and dovish. 🐦
As revealed in these pages:
BTCBTC$116,921.34◢3.64%
If anyone expected Powell to scare up the rates like a haunted house operator, they were sorely disappointed. On Friday, at the Kansas City Fed’s shindig in Jackson Hole, he laid out the fine china and talked about a potential September rate cut, as casually as my Aunt Polly used to serve lemonade. 🍋
Powell mused, “Downside risks to employment are rising,” while entire battalions of economists nodded and scribbled, pretending to know what he really meant. “If things go sideways, layoffs could spring up faster than weeds in July.”
Bitcoin, eager to escape the doldrums, hopped up a cheerful 2% to around $114,200. U.S. stocks saw a modest rise-probably just stockbrokers jumping out of their chairs in confusion. Meanwhile, the 10-year Treasury yield tiptoed down six points to 4.27%, the dollar slipped on a banana peel by 0.5%, and gold, ever the drama queen, rose 0.6%.
A Peek at the Wild Ride Before Powell Spoke
Before Powell’s surprise act, bitcoin and the rest of the risk-loving crowd were sweating more than a preacher in July. Everybody figured Powell would wag his finger and keep things tight. 🌵
Last week, bitcoin strutted above $124,000 on hope alone, as September rate cut odds soared almost as high as my Uncle Silas on election day-nearly 100%! Then reality walked in, odds tumbled to 69%, and bitcoin sank nearly 10% to $112,000. After Powell’s dove impression, those odds jumped right back to 90%, according to the CME FedWatch-a place only slightly less confusing than the local poker hall.
Ether (ETH), not to be outdone, performed a spectacular tumble of 12% before ricocheting up nearly 8% faster than you can say “speculative bubble.” As for the Nasdaq, it dipped 3%-probably just trying to stay ahead of the gossip.
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2025-08-22 18:43