Bitcoin Dips Harder Than My Ex’s Commitment Issues 😬💸

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Well, well, well. Bitcoin decided to take a little vacation from its sideways stroll and nosedived harder than my confidence after a bad haircut. 🪨✂️ From a cozy $117,500, it plummeted to $115,000 on Monday morning-an 11-day low. Ouch. That’s the kind of drop that makes you question if it’s time to start a GoFundMe for your crypto portfolio. 🤑💔

And the altcoins? Oh, they’re just following Bitcoin like it’s the cool kid at school. 🏫✨ Everyone’s bracing for more volatility because, apparently, the world can’t stop talking about Trump and Zelenskyy’s next coffee date. ☕🤝 Will they save the world? Will they spill the tea? Who knows. But one thing’s for sure: the crypto market is having a full-blown existential crisis. 🌪️💭

BTC’s Wild Ride: From Hero to Zero (ish)

Last week, Bitcoin was the belle of the ball, strutting from $118,000 to over $122,000 like it owned the place. 💃💸 Then, it hit an all-time high of $124,500 on Thursday morning-only to face-plant faster than my New Year’s resolutions. 📉🤡 US PPI data came in hotter than a summer barbecue, and BTC was like, “Peace out,” dumping to $118,000. Even Trump and Putin’s peace talks couldn’t save it. 🕊️🤷‍♀️

This weekend, Bitcoin was chillin’ like a villain between $117,000 and $118,000, but Monday morning hit it like a ton of bricks. 🧱💥 Ahead of the Trump-Zelenskyy meet-up, it tanked to $115,000. It’s holding on for dear life, but let’s be real-it’s down 2% and its market cap is now a mere $2.3 trillion. 🤑😢 Dominance? Still at 58%, but who’s counting? 📊

BTC Price Chart

Alts: The Sidekicks in Distress

Altcoins are having a worse day than me at a family reunion. 😬 ETH dipped below $4,300 after a 4.5% drop-ouch. XRP? Below $3.00. SOL, HYPE, XLM, SUI, ENA, PEPE, AAVE, MNT, NEAR, and ONDO are all crying in the corner. 😭🤧 Only LINK and XMR are like, “We got this,” with minor gains. 🦸‍♂️✨

The total crypto market cap? Down $100 billion in a day. That’s like losing your wallet at a festival, but worse. 🎪💸 Now sitting at $3.960 trillion. Someone get this market a therapy session, stat. 💺🧠

Crypto Market Cap Chart

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2025-08-18 11:51