Square’s Bitcoin Gambit: 4M Sellers Ride the Lightning (But NY’s Out!) 🚨

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Key Highlights:

  • Bitcoin goes mainstream: Square lets 4M U.S. merchants (not New York, because reasons) take BTC via Lightning Network. Who needs banks when you’ve got a digital ledger? 🚀
  • Zero fees till 2026: Merchants can cash out in BTC or USD, free of charge, until 2026. Then they’ll slap a 1% fee in 2027. Classic Square-like giving a man a year of free whiskey before charging him for the glass. 🤑
  • No banks, no chargebacks: Bitcoin bypasses card networks like a hobo dodging a toll. Transactions are instant, irreversible, and as fun as a root canal. 😬

Well, what do you know? The good folks at Square have finally let 4 million U.S. merchants (except the New Yorkers, who are always stuck in their ways) start taking Bitcoin at checkout. Announced on November 10, 2025, this move is either a revolution or a scheme cooked up by a man with too much time and a calculator. Pick your poison.

The payments run over digital assets

Digital payments are entering a new phase, like a horse-drawn carriage trying to keep up with a Tesla. Crypto and traditional finance are colliding, and Ripple & Mastercard just dropped a stablecoin pilot. Meanwhile, the Blockchain Payments Consortium-a posse of Fireblocks, Polygon, and others-is trying to stitch fragmented blockchains into one quilt. They claim it’ll be faster than SWIFT, but I’d bet my last dollar on a pigeon. 🐦

The BPC wants to make on-chain payments as smooth as a Mississippi riverboat. With $15 trillion settled on-chain in 2024, they’re racing to fix a system that’s already broken. Or maybe they’re just building a better mousetrap. No one knows. Not even the mice. 🐭

BTC at checkout, instant and fee-free

Square’s new Bitcoin Payments feature is as simple as a two-bit con. Customers scan a Lightning invoice QR code (because nothing says “trust” like a square of pixels), and merchants can settle in BTC or USD. Risky? Absolutely. But then again, who needs sleep when you can trade crypto? 😴

Processing fees are waived until 2026, which is generous, but they’ll hit you with a 1% fee in 2027. Square promises instant settlement and tax tracking, which is handy if you want to track your losses. Jack Dorsey, that old mule of innovation, declared on X that sellers can now transact “BTC to BTC, BTC to fiat, fiat to BTC, or fiat to fiat.” Sounds like a game of musical chairs with money. 🎶

our sellers can now receive btc to btc, btc to fiat, fiat to btc, or fiat to fiat.

– jack (@jack) November 10, 2025

Small-business friendly, big-business scale

Each Bitcoin transaction is capped at $600, and you can’t refund on-chain. Instead, you get a digital gift card for the USD value. Because nothing says “customer satisfaction” like handing someone a coupon for a toaster oven. 🍞

As you receive bitcoin it will be stored in your Square bitcoin wallet. If you’d like to move it into self custody, you’ll be able to do so manually (max $15k per day or $50k per week).

– Square (@Square) November 10, 2025

Bitcoin payments skip card networks like a frog skips a lily pad. No chargebacks, no fees-just pure chaos and joy for small businesses. Or maybe just chaos. Either way, it’s a lot cheaper than hiring a lawyer to fight fraud. 🧾

Square’s broader Bitcoin strategy

Square also launched Bitcoin Conversions, letting sellers convert up to 50% of daily revenue into BTC. Conversion fees are 1% for normals and 0.5% for premium users. Because nothing says “luxury” like paying half a percent less to gamble with your money. 🎲

The rollout is U.S.-only for now, but Square hinted at global expansion. New York, however, is still banned due to its “strict BitLicense requirements.” Translation: “We’re too scared to let you play with fire.” 🔥

Bitcoin enters everyday commerce

Square’s move blurs the line between crypto and traditional finance like a watercolor painting. Coffee shops, barbers, and local venues can now take Bitcoin-settle in seconds, no cards, no banks, no middlemen. Just you, your QR code, and the ghost of Satoshi Nakamoto. 👻

For years, Bitcoin was just a fancy piggy bank. Now, thanks to Square, it’s becoming the currency of the future-or the punchline of a very long joke. Only time will tell which. But hey, at least it’s not Monero. 💸

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2025-11-11 00:43