🚨 Bitcoin’s 86K “Break-Up Letter” + MicroStrategy’s Sell Switch 💥

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The crypto market plummeted in December like my dad’s poker skills-crashing hard as Bitcoin dived toward $86,100. The entire scene? A chaotic game of “sell everything but keep the snacks” for Ethereum, Solana, Dogecoin, and Cardano. Classic. 😒

Profit-booking and the ghost of November’s rug-pull now haunt the market. Traders are acting like they’ve been conditioned by a season of horror flicks. But wait-MicroStrategy’s just dropped a new plot twist that makes this 2023 crypto thriller even messier.

MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin Panic SOS 🆘

The world’s most intoxicated Bitcoin corporation finally admitted it might sell some BTC. Cue the gasp. This isn’t just a U-turn; it’s a 180 backflip smokie into the abyss. CEO Phong Le casually dropped that MicroStrategy has a “kill-switch” for BTC sales-because of course, they’re ready, baby. 🔫

No sale is happening today (y’all can breathe), but the mere suggestion feels like a red flag waving at a funeral. Michael Saylor’s “never sell” mantra? Gone. Probably swallowed by a black hole. 🌌

When Will the BTC Blood Spill? 🎯

Phong Le outlined two “conditions” for the carnage-because nothing says “crisis communication” like a nice, clean list. First: MicroStrategy’s stock plummets below 1x mNAV. Second: Funding dries up. Let’s just say, if this hits, it’s not a “beach day” scenario. More like a survival horror game. 🪦

Why Sell Now? 💔

Analysts are in full “apocalypse analogue” mode. mNAV is teetering at 0.95, which sounds cozy until you realize it’s the crypto equivalent of a “we need to talk” conversation. If this slips below 0.9, MicroStrategy might have to dump BTC to pay dividends-because who needs Bitcoin as a core investment when your stock’s being rejected like a bad Tinder pic? 😅

Analysts: Try Harder to Not Panic 😭

Jacob King’s Twitter rants now include phrases like “green dots” and “derivatives,” which sounds fancy but probably means “sell, but do it slowly and anonymously.” Meanwhile, Adrian’s probably Googling “how to cry-laugh into a pillow.”

MicroStrategy’s 649,870 BTC pile really is crypto’s version of a therapist. But now that the sale threshold is out, traders are watching 0.9 mNAV like a ex’s dating profile. 2026? Bring snacks. 🤢

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2025-12-01 11:22