You Won’t Believe What the DOJ Just Said About Bitcoin! 😲

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Key Highlights

  • $6.3 million in Bitcoin linked to Samourai Wallet just waltzed over to a Coinbase Prime address-what, did it think it was going on vacation? 🏖️
  • The DOJ insists it was just an “administrative move.” Right, like moving your couch is just “administrative”! 🛋️
  • Executive Order 14233 says they can’t sell the seized Bitcoin-because who doesn’t want more Bitcoin sitting around like an awkward relative during the holidays? 🎄

So the U.S. Department of Justice, in their infinite wisdom, confirmed that the Bitcoin snatched in the Samourai Wallet debacle is still hanging out with Uncle Sam. It’s not sold; it’s just… chilling. 🍹

This little nugget of info comes after everyone and their dog started speculating that the feds had finally decided to cash in their chips when that $6.3 million got shuffled over to Coinbase. But fear not, my friends-the DOJ says no sales happened. They’re just “moving things around.” Sounds like my last attempt at organizing my closet! 🤷‍♂️

UPDATE: DOJ has confirmed the digital assets from Samourai Wallet are not going anywhere. They’ll be lounging on the USG balance sheet. Lucky Bitcoin! 🤑

– Patrick Witt (@patrickjwitt) January 16, 2026

Patrick Witt, the guy in charge of whispering sweet nothings to the White House about digital assets, assured us that those pesky Bitcoins are staying put. They won’t be liquidated under Executive Order 14233-whatever that means. Sounds fancy, right? 💼

New policy behind the decision

So, this Executive Order 14233, signed in March 2025, is telling federal agencies to keep their mitts off any forfeited Bitcoin. Instead of flipping it like a house in a bad neighborhood, they’re keeping it cozy in the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. Because what’s better than a government-owned crypto stash? A government-owned crypto stash that no one seems to know the total for! 🎉

The court case that led to the seizure

The Bitcoin in question was forfeited by the Samourai Wallet founders, Keonne Rodriguez and William Lonergan Hill, who decided it was a fabulous idea to run an unlicensed money-transmitting business. Who wouldn’t want to dabble in that? 😬

Prosecutors claimed their crypto-mixing service was like a laundry mat for dirty money-processing millions of dollars, including funds that would make your hair curl. In their plea deals, they gave up about 57 Bitcoin, which at the time was worth around $6.3 million. Imagine losing that in a poker game! 🎲

In November 2025, both were sentenced to federal prison, drawing the kind of attention typically reserved for reality TV stars. Rodriguez got five years, while Hill only got four-talk about the luck of the draw! 🎭

And just to spice things up, President Trump mentioned he might review a pardon for Rodriguez as he prepared to check into his new digs. I mean, if we’re talking about pardons, can we get one for all the terrible TV shows too? 📺

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2026-01-17 19:55