Elon Musk’s Celestial Calculus: Merging AI and Rockets for Lunar Enlightenment!

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Finance

What to know:

  • Elon Musk’s esteemed rocketry enterprise, SpaceX, hath acquired his artificial intelligence venture, xAI, in a union most improbable yet financially grand.
  • “Celestial computations are evidently the sole path to expansion,” quoth Musk in his proclamation, as if terrestrial data centres were but a quaint notion.
  • Bloomberg, that paragon of financial gossip, whispereth of an IPO valuing the conglomerate at a trifling $1.25 trillion, nay, less than a village’s annual tea harvest.

SpaceX, that most audacious of rocketeering endeavours founded by the estimable Mr. Musk, hath now subsumed his artificial intelligence concern, xAI, both of which he himself hath established, thus ensuring no rival may claim credit for his celestial machinations.

“Present-day advancements in AI depend upon vast terrestrial data centres, which demand prodigious quantities of power and cooling,” observed Musk, as if one might not have noticed the smoke rising from our dear planet’s surface. “The global appetite for AI cannot be satiated by earthly means, even in the near term, without imposing hardship on communities and the environment,” he continued, as though the Earth were a particularly fussy dinner guest.

“In the long term, celestial AI is evidently the sole path to expansion,” Musk declared, with the solemnity of a man discussing the merits of a new hat. “To harness but a millionth of our Sun’s energy would require over a million times more than our civilization currently employs!” A calculation so grand, one might mistake it for a proposal of matrimony.

The consolidated enterprise is anticipated to debut publicly at a valuation of $1.25 trillion, according to Bloomberg, who further noted that xAI recently secured funds at a $230 billion valuation and SpaceX at a modest $800 billion. One might say the company’s worth is as certain as the eventual collapse of every speculative bubble in history.

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2026-02-03 01:20