Ah, the cryptosphere! A realm where numbers dance like madmen in a Gogol novella, and predictions sprout like noses on a bureaucrat’s face. Behold, a crypto soothsayer—one Ali Martinez, with a following as vast as the Russian steppe—proclaims that Bitcoin (BTC) may soar to heights unseen, as if carried by the winds of absurdity! 🌪️💰
In a thread as convoluted as a Gogol plot twist, Martinez reveals that the short-term holder (STH) cost basis model—a metric as mysterious as Akaky Akakievich’s overcoat—suggests Bitcoin could leap by 19% from its current vale. “As long as $105,450 holds,” he crows, “Bitcoin might waltz to $125,230, or even $141,770!” 🕺💸
But wait! There’s more! The cumulative value-days destroyed (CVDD) metric—a name so long it could only be dreamed up by a Gogol character—hints at a top of $149,679! “The next Bitcoin peak,” Martinez declares, “will be as grand as Chichikov’s schemes!” 🏔️🤪
Bitcoin, at the time of this farce, trades at $118,250, inching up like a timid clerk in a government office. 📉
Now, onto Ethereum, the second fiddle in this crypto orchestra! Martinez claims ETH could surge by 35%, reaching $4,220 or even $5,140, based on the MVRV Pricing Bands. “As long as $3,300 holds,” he intones, “Ethereum shall rise like a dead soul from the pages of Gogol!” ☠️📈
ETH, at $3,787, sulks like a disgruntled inspector, down slightly on the day. 😒
XRP, the payments token with dreams as big as Gogol’s nose, may be forming a double bottom pattern—a bullish reversal, no less! “A close above $3.30,” Martinez chirps, “could send XRP to $3.60, like a runaway nose in a Gogol tale!” 🐂💨
XRP, at $3.10, shrugs like a character in *Dead Souls*, down 1.2% in 24 hours. 🤷♂️
Lastly, Dogecoin (DOGE), the meme coin with a bark as loud as Gogol’s laughter, may bounce soon, thanks to the Tom DeMark (TD) Sequential indicator. “Dogecoin is ready for another leg up,” Martinez proclaims, “like a nose that won’t stop growing!” 🐕🚀
DOGE, at $0.21, whimpers like a lost soul in a Gogol story, down 1.6% on the day. 😢
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2025-07-31 21:22