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Behold! The report proclaims that dormant addresses-those digital tombs where BTC lies entombed for seven years-orphaned of movement, and the corporate titans hoarding 1,000 BTC like Scrooge McDuck in a blockchain vault-shall unite to claim 6 million coins. A supply shock so profound, it could make the Tsar’s Decembrists weep. Or perhaps laugh? The chaos is sublime. 😂

Out of the gray fog where Bitcoin and Ethereum play their eternal game of tug-of-war, like weary old men who forgot why they started, emerges Solana-swift, promising, and disturbingly efficient. The market, a congregation of nervous souls, is collectively holding its breath as if awaiting a verdict from the omnipotent Fed we never elected. Wednesday’s rate decision looms ahead like a portentous thunderclap in a sky too quiet.

Shytoshi Kusama-the enigmatic puppeteer of Shiba Inu-has been loitering in silence on X, as if savoring the drama of absence. Earlier this week, however, he cracked the door and let slip a whisper, enough to send meme-coin enthusiasts clutching their digital pearls.

Unlike the fiery excitement of months past, when every tick on the chart was a drama worthy of the West End, September has brought something closer to the peace of a countryside retreat. It’s a ‘neutral’ period, like the sort of bland sandwich you’d get at a conference buffet-unremarkable, but at least it’s not going to ruin your day. 🥪

However, traders appear vexed by hold-ups in Solana’s ETF approvals, while long-time holders have kicked back, cashing in on their well-earned trophies. The million-dollar question (or should I say billion-dollar?) is whether SOL can keep its head above what’s known as “support levels” or risk tumbling down further. Solana’s price charts address this enigma and much more.

Introduced with the effortless elegance of an unrushed debutante, the BITCOIN Act-by the ever-distinguished Senator Cynthia Lummis-entreats the United States to procure a million Bitcoin, luring investors like Saylor and Thiel with a five-act play that stretches across five years. This initiative, askew only in its audacity and brilliance, is to be financed through “budget-neutral strategies,” a phrase that parlays the very essence of windmills meeting cavalry.

REX-Osprey, a name which sounds suspiciously like a particularly unpleasant illness, assures us their XRP endeavour (ticker XRPR, naturally) will commence trading this week. It will, they claim, offer “spot exposure” to the third-largest cryptocurrency. One shudders to think what the first two are.

Monsieur Luke Gebb, that illustrious Executive Vice President of Amex Digital Labs, declaimed on a fine Monday, “The true enchantment of voyage lies in the sweet torment of memory, and what better relic than the stamp, that vanishing phantom on one’s passport? As flesh and ink are banished into oblivion, Amex bestows upon Card Members a digital talisman to bask in their own grandeur.” How poetic, n’est-ce pas? 🎭

The phenomenon, let us call it “Trump’s Semi-Annual Yearning,” re-emerged, not in a meticulously crafted policy paper, but via a pronouncement on that digital echo chamber known as Truth Social. On the 15th of September, the missive arrived:

Eric Balchunas, Bloomberg’s ETF guru, has spilled the beans on X (yes, X, because we’re all trying to forget what Twitter was) that the Dogecoin ETF will be under the ticker DOJE and XRP will be strutting its stuff under XRPR. Who knew crypto could get this fancy? 🧐