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According to the ever-watchful crypto.news, Aave’s price fell from $106 on Sunday to a dramatic $89 on Monday, before regaining a smidgen of composure at $91. A weekend of woe, indeed!

On the morrow of April 18, our intrepid ZachXBT did call upon the great exchanges-Binance, Bitget, and Gate.io-to probe this mischief. With a bounty first of $10,000, then swelled to $25,000, he sought to unmask the knaves behind this charade. Bitget, ever prompt, did acknowledge the plea, followed by its peers, while RaveDAO, with a shrug most eloquent, proclaimed its innocence.

The Enforcement Directorate (ED) has officially entered the world of Karnataka’s Bitcoin debacle, and this time, they’ve got their eyes on the prize: the sons of Shantinagar MLA N A Haris. The ED’s raid was more synchronized than a boy band reunion tour-twelve different locations, all at once.

Wells Fargo recently stated they are recommending investments in the information technology, industrial, and utilities sectors, believing these areas offer good potential.

The victim? A tech firm registered in the British Virgin Islands-because, of course, where else would you register a company if not in a place that sounds like a pirate’s retirement plan? The poor soul who filed the complaint is a Gachibowli resident, presumably now staring at their screen muttering, “Why didn’t I just keep it under the mattress?”

The figures on Ethereum’s derivatives market have gone and done a jig, and not just a little two-step. Net taker volume has sashayed into positive territory, waltzing in at +$102 million. According to Darkfost_Coc on X, the buy-side has been callin’ the tunes since March. That’s a mighty shift in a cycle where sellers were hogging the dance floor.

Now, young Schwartz, who’s been poking around the cross-chain systems for Ripple’s shiny new RLUSD stablecoin, reckons the whole industry’s got its head so far up its own blockchain it’s forgotten about the basics. Like, you know, not getting robbed blind. Apparently, everyone’s too busy chasing convenience and scaling faster than a wizard on a broomstick to bother with, say, not getting hacked.

The protocol, which allows users to restake assets in exchange for rsETH, has now become the toast of the town-though not in the way one might hope. It’s the sort of gossip that would make Noël Coward raise an eyebrow and murmur, “How very continental.”

The villainy stems from two dastardly attacks on KelpDAO and Drift Protocol, whose combined mischief accounts for 95% of April’s woes and 75% of 2026’s grand total of $771.8 million. A tale of two disasters, indeed!

This dire proclamation has not gone unchallenged; members of the crypto community, as spirited as a flock of geese in spring, have taken to their digital platforms to rebuff his claims. Meanwhile, on-chain activity and various technical indicators elsewhere on the network seem to be waving cheerful flags, much to Ansem’s chagrin.