EURJPY

Meanwhile, the grand old Bitcoin shuffled along at a dizzying $109,406-after flirting with the depths at $104,700 earlier this week-while Ethereum strutted its stuff around $3,812, selling over $17 billion in daily escapades. The dog coin, Dogecoin, like a stubborn terrier, held its ground at $0.171, with a modest rise of 1.9% in a single day, a valuation of $24.6 billion that places it comfortably in the realm of the top nine. That’s a lot of digital dog treats, if you ask me.

The noble Bitcoin, which once danced so merrily, now finds itself engaged in a most unseemly decline, reminiscent of the tragic year of 2013.

On the fateful day of October 22, the Canadian authorities, with the solemnity of a priest anointing a sinner, declared that Cryptomus, a Vancouver-based digital mausoleum, had breached the sacred laws of anti-money laundering and counter-terrorist financing. The exchange, it seems, had failed to report a veritable horde of 1,000 suspicious transactions, a number so staggering it could fill the halls of a cathedral with the echoes of moral decay. And yet, this was but the beginning of a tale darker than the depths of the Mariana Trench.

Among these crowds of eager pioneers, there were those who had been plugging away at their computers, the lungs heaving while they waited to hear about their verification-their golden ticket. Some waited weeks, some more, only to be met with the cold shoulder of rejection. The internet isn’t kind, as you know, and here they were, shouting into the void about their woes. Now, in a beautifully orchestrated twist, the bright folks at Pi Network have come out of the shadows with an update, shedding light on the treacherous, twisting path to KYC paradise.

The total crypto market cap-our favorite economic parlor trick-rose 1.7% to $3.8 trillion. Bitcoin, ever the drama queen, pranced back to $111,353 (+2.1%). Ethereum hovered at $3,948 (+3.1%), BNB pirouetted to $1,136 (+4.4%), and XRP tip-toed up 1.7% to $2.42. Truly, a spectacle.

Striking back triumphantly after reclaiming a haphazard obstacle known as the 61.8% Fibonacci level at $35.84, Hyperliquid began showing signs of valor that would shame even the most illustrious of Russian matadors, especially amid the unpredictable swings of this cryptic orchestra. Ample volume spikes anticipated celebration for upcoming galas of corporate events-a peculiar blend of equities and exotica.

Once revered by over 250,000 users, Fortress strutted into the scene as Ripple’s hopeful bride, only to end up scarred and on the chopping block after a botched €15 million security booby trap in 2023. Now Nevada’s regulators, tired of the same old song about asset mismatches and cowboy bookkeeping, have slapped a cease-and-desist order on Fortress, freezing its assets faster than you can say “solvency.”

Their X thread, a digital tapestry of self-congratulation, proclaims rewards. Tokens here, tokens there, buybacks orchestrated like some baroque financial dance. The whole affair reeks faintly of smoke and mirrors, doesn’t it? They give with one hand (tokens) and take with the other (trading requirements). The eternal cycle. It’s all very… human. And slightly exhausting.

According to CryptoQuant’s TeddyVision (clearly a PhD in cryptospeak), Ethereum’s currently trading above its “Realized Price” of $2,300. Dubbed a “fundamental support zone” by our brave analyst, this is where ETH’s last gasp turns into a revival meeting. After all, dips below it usually mean the market’s throwing a mandatory crying session, a la breakup with a Roomba.

Changpeng “CZ” Zhao, the founder of Binance, pleaded guilty in November 2023 to a most grievous sin: failing to implement an adequate Anti-Money Laundering program, a transgression that has left the market in a state of perpetual anxiety. 🧨