If you’ve ever stood in a Wells Fargo line waiting for a teller to “look into” a phantom $7 charge from 2019 and thought, “This person is definitely skimming off the top while pretending to troubleshoot my account,” congratulations: you’re not paranoid, you’re just good at reading people.
The U.S. Department of Justice confirmed those gut feelings this week, announcing that Tamim Haidar, an assistant branch manager at the bank’s Union City, California location, helped himself to more than $800,000 of the trillion-dollar lender’s cash over a seven-month stretch. For context, that’s roughly what my older sister spent on a single “wellness retreat” to Joshua Tree last year, and she at least came back with a decent lava rock candle to show for it.
Haidar held his assistant branch manager gig at the Union City spot from November 2013 to October 2022-nine years, long enough to watch three full runs of The Office, develop a deep hatred for customers who ask for free checks at 4:55 PM on Fridays, and perfect his “I’m just checking the ATM cash levels” alibi.
His little side hustle ran from March 15, 2022, to the day he got fired, which I assume happened when a customer complained the ATM kept spitting out $10s instead of $20s and no one could figure out why for three whole months.
Per the DOJ’s statement, Haidar didn’t even bother with subtlety: he admitted to stealing cash earmarked for the branch’s ATMs, then falsified the bank’s internal database entries to cover his tracks. He moved all the stolen funds into his personal bank accounts, then funneled it straight into foreign currency trading to cover the massive losses he racked up dabbling in forex like a guy who watched three TikTok day trading tutorials and decided he’d be retired by 30.
Haidar pleaded guilty to one count of embezzlement by a bank employee and two counts of laundering money from his little side gig, and now he’s going to spend 18 months in federal prison, followed by three years of supervised release. He also has to pay back the full $800,000 in restitution, which I’m sure will come as a real comfort to the 14 people who warned him forex was a terrible idea in the first place.
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2026-06-13 18:21